Monday, December 13, 2010

TV Club Has A Cold! least this half does. The healthier half is at


CC: "I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff." Rarely do I go
quoteable on this show, but this? From the mouth of Harry Shum? So
meta it's beautiful, and beautiful even if it weren't meta. And I'm a
person who has zero problem with Channing Tatum being in stuff.
JB: Every episode of Glee is already a Christmas episode.

The Sing-Off
CC: Well the high school kids failed and got rightfully booted, then
the Whiffs were actually really good and got wrongfully booted. Boo.
Not okay. Especially when the sellouts and the vocal jazz nonsense
people are still around. But I guess none of it matters since
Committed is totally winning this whole thing, which we already knew,
but which was aggressively reconfirmed because once again with the
blatant pimping (nobody else keeps getting cuts to the judges going
ballistic while they're singing). And they're singing I Want It That
Way next? PUH. LEEZE. Just tell me where I can buy the album
already and let's all move on.
JB:The Whiffenpoofs already have the world on a plate. Don't waste a second of sympathy on these privileged elitists. So says the disgruntled alumnus of Glasgow College of Technology. If we've learned one thing from TV talent shows, it's this: the journey is everything. Yes, Committed probably has it all sewn up, but don't count out the oldsters. Staying power. Inspirational. Also, the judges totally empathize with the crushed rock star dreams of the Southern singer with the high keening voice. Redemption. Second chance. Just saying.

Top Chef All-Stars
CC: Jen wuz robbed.

Vampire Diaries
CC: Okay, the scenes with Caroline watching over Tyler as he wolfed
out were, like, totally NOT warm and fuzzy but somehow they were also
warm and fuzzy, because my god! The caring! The friendship! The
genuine worry about how he was doing and the horror of seeing him go
through the pain! It was like gender-flipped childbirth. With more
chains. Or maybe less chains or the same amount of chains, I don't
know, it's a crazy world out there and maybe that's how some moms
JB: Shout-out to Vampire Diaries B-Team! Candice Accola and--I IMDB'd him!-- Michael Trevino have got themselves a storyline. Wolfnephew, in particular, sold the shit out of his big we-don't-have-an-FX-budget--so-this-is-all-on-you transformation moment. As of right now, I'm way less invested in the moonstone shenanigans as I am in knowing how Tyler/Caroline plays out. They're best friends but they're mortal enemies. And rarely-seen nice guy Matt has yet to find out the truth about his girlfriend and his best bud.(Question: is Aunt Jenna now surpassing Joyce Summers in protracted obliviousness?)

CC: I did this thing of I started watching it, and then halfway
through I had to pause and go do something and then I forgot that I
hadn't watched the whole thing and erased it. Whoops. Took them long
enough to explain that frickin' computer chatting program, by the way.
We've only been wondering what the FUCK is up with that thing since
the beginning of the season. Did anyone else find it totally
distracting that at one point Nikita and Alex were both wearing
basically the same magenta-ish lip color and had the same verrry
narrow dark blond highlights? Just me? Okay. The lip color is
seriously distracting though. I've noticed it previously on Alex.
I'm not making this up. It is in no way a neutral. I don't know what
the makeup department is thinking. Nobody's putting that color on
just to walk around in their sweatpants in their ubersecret deadly
assassin training facility. Nobody!
JB: Did not register the lip color. Except that I found myself thinking a few times, ` Are they gonna kiss?' (They're in a high pressure situation. It's not unheard of). Maggie Q's big "She's loose!" scene with the chains was potentially iconic and cut away from way too prematurely. Her rampage through Division was absurd and badass and I could have watched it for an hour. Robin Givens is still acting? Did not know that.

CC: Tiny harmonica solo!
JB: I have watched approximately eight thousand hours of X Factor and Idol and I don't think I've ever seen people as oblivious to how horribly they're singing as Paul McCartney and his band. I have watched Bill Hader play approximately eight thousand characters and Stefon is the only one he can't get through without cracking up. And wouldn't this have been a good week to bring The Miley Cyrus Show back?

Friday Night Lights
JB: Everyone's suffering because of this humiliating storyline about Julie Taylor sleeping with her married TA. Julie's suffering because Mrs TA whacked her in the face in front of the school causing her to run home and refuse to go back. The Taylors are suffering because their glowing self-image as perfect nurturers just took a dent. How can they be the immaculate parents they think they are if they raised such a nitwit? The team's suffering because Coach is so bent out of shape he misses delivering his send-out speech(Billy Riggins--unsung hero of this season! steps in and KILLS! )The show suffers because they get the coach to the game with seconds to spare, giving him just enough time to tell his guys "How you play tonight is who you are for the rest of your lives" AND THEN WE DON'T SEE THE GAME! The next scene is the victory celebration! The suffering is about to continue with Vince's ex-con dad who beat up a drug dealer for hassling his boy. No problem with that. But once he'd kicked the shit out of the guy, Vince's dad took away his gun. Guns and Friday Night Lights are not a good fit.

X Factor
JB: The Final! The winner--not a surprise to anyone but Simon Cowell who was convinced his boy band were set to take the crown and threw quite a sulk when they lost-- was a girly-voiced housepainter called Matt Cardle who seems set to join the ranks of Kris Allen, Lee DeWyze and last year's already-forgotten winner as male singers beloved by women who have no intention of ever buying their records. Here's Matt's celebrity duet. Be glad you're not watching this in 3D otherwise you'd run the risk of a detached retina from his boner:

And here's the runner-up who has a shot at a career if she does more stuff like this and less of the snoozy ballads she did on every other show:

Movie Club

Black Swan
CC: This shit was awesome and makes me very much want to go slowly,
dramatically mad, or just lose a lot of weight so I can look amazing
in multiple layers of body-skimming sweats/tanks/shrugs made of very
cozy-looking, soft materials.

1 comment:

Mister X said...

I hate to change the subject but I'm the biggest fan of your books, Hottie ans Burning Ambition