Monday, December 6, 2010

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like TV Club!

What happens in TV Club here, also happens in TV Club at

CC: UNLEASH HEATHER MORRIS! She is a caged beast, UNLEASH HER! Well they sort of did, thank god, during Valerie, but all the rest of the time, you can just see her practically jumping out of her skin wanting to do better choreography, it's like all that aggressive dance talent is just simmering below the surface, except it's not simmering, it's boiling over the whole time, because they NEED TO GIVE HER MORE TO DO but anyway, I didn't like that Train song and of course, now I like that Train song, thanks to the Dalton Academy guys who actually DO A CAPPELLA UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS SHOW. Argh. Is what I say. Yet again.
JB: Unleash Naya Rivera, too. Was that really her first solo in a season-and-a-half? She's got the most commercial voice out of any of them. Do not unleash Dianna Agron and Chord Overstreet. Jesus Christ, I thought the Black Eyed Peas took a shit on Time Of My Life. And why was that deemed sectionals-worthy and not Dog Days Are Over which, whatever your Florence stance, is a showstopper? I don't buy the blondes as a couple, either. In fact, I don't buy any of the couples as couples. Not Brittany and Artie. Not the Asians. Not Finn and Rachel. Kurt and Rachel, I buy them. We almost made it through an entire episode without a Glory of Kurt moment. Then they unveiled the Kurt as molting Dalton warbler metaphor at the end.

Vampire Diaries
CC: Will my fellow Jeremy/Bonnie 'shippers please join me in a rousing rendition of "WHAT THE FUCK?!" Come on, show. Let's do this. Let's make this happen so I can watch it happen. By the way, why can't Katherine just bite Jeremy's finger off with the ring on it and then kill him? She cut off Uncle John's finger with a knife and then stabbed him, can't she bite off Jeremy's ring finger? Anybody? Just me?
JB: Did the witch and the warlock have weather-sex? I think they did! Can I say something about the moonstone? It would be good if it glowed or floated or changed colors or did SOMETHING to merit the massive investment we're having to make in its mystic properties. Because right now? It's not very impressive. Also not impressive: Bonnie the witch's screechy version of Only Happy When It Rains.

The Sing-Off
CC: This is my new favorite show (shut up, it's winter TV doldrums right now) and I am about to say many things. It's much better than it was last year. I love when people get genuinely excited about their competition, and it totally happened twice tonight, when the blue Oregon guys were losing it over the young black guys during Maroon 5 (and who wouldn't...those guys are gonna win the whole thing unless the Glee fan contingent puts the high school group ahead of them, plus they almost killed Boyz II Men judge), and then when the teal people from LA, that guy in the middle, was totally doing the "wwhhhaaattt" hands-on-head thing during Apologize. Did anyone else think it was totally cheating for the teal LA people to totally Frankenstein together a group JUST for the purpose of this show, including people who had BEEN ON BEFORE? Did anyone else think there was literally a ZERO percent chance that the southern guys were gonna sing anything OTHER than Hey Soul Sister for the next episode? Was it me or did most of the Seattle people have, like, that confusing thing where they might be 14 or they might be 40 or maybe it was just that one person? And how terrible was Nick Lachey's outfit? AND HOW AWESOME IS BEN FOLDS? HE IS THE MOST OF AWESOME!!! Him ripping on the cymbals thing and then demonstrating it was possibly the best part of the whole show. Other than, of course, the young black guys (because there were also old black guys, who are fine and cute in their own way, but this show belongs to the young black guys). I had something to say about the groups who got booted but whatever, they're booted, I already forgot what it was.

CC: If this show could make me care as much about the non-Nikita scenes as I do about the Nikita ones, we'd be in good shape. For instance, I found the revelation that Nikita works out at 3 in the morning at some pool in New Jersey WAY more interesting than Alex's entire subplot this week. I can't tell you what said subplot was because during those scenes I was too busy trying to calculate whether it's possible for me to watch every single episode of Battlestar Galactica during my winter break. It is.
JB:The pre-credits narration is getting longer and more complicated every week. We now have THREE shadowy organizations.. We've got Division. We've got the one they unveiled a couple of weeks ago. And now we've got Oversight. We also have the recurring plot about the seven black boxes which is both vitally important and not worth mentioning from week to week. But honestly? As long as I see Nikita getting in wet towel fights at Newark Community Center, I don't care.

The Walking Dead
CC: Oh my god, I can't believe they Lost in Translationed us! And we had to wait until the very end for any skull-crunching zombie action! Boo! BOO! *starts counting minutes till show comes back*
JB: Sometimes when I watch this show, I feel like an Amish teen on Rumspringa. I absolutely accepted that cast member Laurie Holden would sacrifice herself in the CDC blast and the black lady whose name we do not know and who had barely uttered a word make a break for freedom.

Friday Night Lights
JB: I do not play sports. I do not watch sports. I know nothing about sports. After this away-game episode, I wanted to be part of a team. Any team. There was a scene before the big game. The Coach is sitting out on his hotel balcony. A few feet away, four of the Lions are hanging out, joking, talking about the game, telling stories. They don't know he's there, listening. The scene doesn't go anywhere, doesn't add to the story. But it lasts for three, maybe four minutes and when it's over, you think, what other show would do that? Even if you don't like you like Friday Night Lights, if you don't like football, if you don't like PEOPLE, the camaraderie on display here was just undeniable. (After they won the game, the team celebrated by branding each other with hot pieces of bent wire. And even THAT was heartwarming!) This was an absolute, all time Top 5 episode, almost but not entirely marred by the Season Two-level embarrassment of the Julie Taylor: Adultress plot.

JB: I'm looking forward to Little Fockers about as much as I want to hear that new Diddy Dirty Money album.

JB: It started with a decapitation. It ended with a disintegration. In between, there were multiple stabbings, rape jokes, angels getting boners watching motel room porn, naked demon torture, invisible hellhounds and incest gags. Return to form!
CC: I...may have to start watching this show.

X Factor
JB: The semi finals. Of all the hundreds of thousands of Bruno Mars-affiliated songs this year, I have one favorite and while this young person attempted to slaughter it, she left some life in the corpse:
Just when it looked like Rihanna's wounds had all healed, she gets clobbered again:
And this happened:

1 comment:

ThisGirl Lori said...

JB! I wanted to read YOUR comments on The Sing Off too! Thanks for yours, CC!