Tuesday, November 30, 2010

TV Club Is On Thin Ice!

There's nothing you can read here that you can't also read at http://cherrycheva.tumblr.com/
JB: Bullying is this show's vervain. You can't get away from it. And how does Glee define bullying? Failure to properly celebrate The GloryOf Kurt. Which is something Ryan Murphy is not guilty of. Kurt's dad's wedding vows? An apology to Kurt. Finn's wedding speech? Another apology to Kurt plus a dance. The Glee club's petty differences? Forgotten in the face of having Kurt's back. Even the nightmarish Carol Burnett storyline ended up with an anti-bullying speech reminding us that Kurt might not have been onscreen but his Glory was still being celebrated.
CC: My jaw literally dropped with how bad the sound production was in this (again, watched only the songs). A very wise fellow viewer mentioned that the thing they do to everyone's voices (I'm talking about that ridiculous wedding number) is the equivalent of the Barbara Walters camera. Difference? Walters needed it. THESE KIDS DON'T. They can sing! Let them fucking SING! Argh. (Bruno Mars is a genius, by the way...I thought "Just the Way You Are" was the most pandering song ever in the history of man, but that "Marry You" song is also his? Good lord. Give him all the money in the world, he's taken James Blunt's lady-trapping key-word-hitting game and hulked it out into some of the most catchy-ass tunes ever.) So, once again, my best Glee experience this week has been the ACTUAL a cappella number featured in the below youtube (I'm on record as being thoroughly sick of the reaction shots, but Puck's here is gold), and I don't even LIKE this song:

JB: Bruno Mars wrote Cee-Lo's Fuck You. So he's working both sides of the pandering equation.
CC: OMG WHAT?! WHAT! WHAT! He's a genius! He's a fucking genius! Cee Lo was totally at my work today, by the way.
The Walking Dead
JB: Some shows go through entire seasons without amassing as many highlights as this single episode managed. The blonde survivor waiting for her sister to revive then shooting her in the head. The beaten-up wife slamming a pickaxe into the skull of her dead zombie husband.Shane the cheating deputy being tempted to shoot Sheriff Rick. The bitten guy left at the roadside to die. The lone scientist. The white light as the doors of CDC open. I'm fully committed to The Walking Dead but most of the post-pilot episodes had a `Yeah, this character stuff kind of drags but but bear with us cuz there's zombies and gore on the way' vibe. Not this one. This had a `See, almost a whole hour went by without a single zombie and you didn't even notice' vibe.
CC: Remember in The Notebook when Ryan Gosling goes "I love you" and Rachel McAdams takes a long pause before saying it back? You know how in Rocky Horror they do that "antici........pation" thing? Blonde lady shooting her sister was the zombie equivalent of that. JUST SHOOT HER SHE'S A ZOMBIE OH MY GOD JUST SHOOT HER ALREADY WHAT IF SHE ENDS UP HAVING LIKE REALLY FAST REFLEXES FOR A ZOMBIE DON'T LEAN IN JUST SHOOT HER AAAAAA!!!! Tension created? In spades. Thanks, show,I love you and I hate you for it.
Skating With The Stars
JB: I vaguely remember Fox trying something like this a few years ago.Lasted one season. Ended with Kristy Swanson double-axeling off into the sunset with her married partner. But a British version has been going strong for a while now. That's because they know how to do it right. Hire fat people, old people, unsteady people and a judge who has no problem telling a female athlete dressed in brown she looks like shit circling the drain. I FF'd through most of Skating W/TheStars but I still saw enough to know they took a different approach.First, there's only six(6) skaters. I know it's a short season but that's not enough to decide who you like, who you hate, who you like to hate, who's comic relief and who you don't care about. Second,no-one's fat or old. Third, the judges. I've seen Boomkack on other shows. She's crazy. She's a screamer and a shoe-thrower. Here she's telling Sean Young what a privilege it is to meet her. And Johnny Weir! Johnny Weir tells people he LIKES they look like shit circling the drain. But not this version. This version applauds Vince Neil for his courage. Fourth, the host. I've heard Americans complaining they can't understand Vernon Kay's northern English accent. I'm from Scotland, a mere stone's throw from where he lives. I follow maybe every fourth syllable.
JB:Mary-Louise Parker needs to quit acting because she's never going to get another part as good as the one she's got here. I always forget Weeds is still on. Then I find another season of it taking up DVR space. The last few years, I've gone to get rid of it, checked out a couple of episodes and stuck around for the whole thing. I never bother watching when it's actually showing because I still think Weeds is about a suburban mom who becomes a pot dealer. I keep forgetting they blew up that whole premise. Parker's character married a Mexican druglord last year. Then her psycho son killed his mistress with a croquet mallet. In the season I just watched, she's shooting people with crossbows, having angry sex with Mark-Paul Gosselaar and fucking up the lives of everyone she meets. And even when she's tied up in the trunk of a car next to the body of the journalist she got killed, she still does this doe-eyed, mussy-haired thing like she's not sure if she's in a dream sequence. I look forward to forgetting all about her and rediscovering her show this time next year.
X Factor
JB: Rock Week. You know what that means:

End of the road for that dude. But nothing can stop these kids:

Jabbawockeez at the Monte Carlo
CC: I saw this live show in Vegas. It was, of COURSE, fucking awesome. All the bits you love and remember from their ABDC performances, plus all sorts of new, equally as awesome or even more so, stuff. I sat slackjawed and leaning forward in pure happiness the whole time. So nice to see these guys reaping tons and tons of well-deserved rewards. Afterwards we were walking around the casino and I randomly saw Victor from Quest Crew. You know he was totally hangin' with the Wockeez that weekend. And in fact you DO know cuz I checked twitter and that's exactly what they said.

Monday, November 22, 2010

TV Club. Now On iTunes. (Not Really)

Read the wholesome version here. Read the even more wholesome version at http://cherrycheva.tumblr.com/

JB: All across America, the same question was asked, "Why did we ever
think Gwyneth Paltrow was an asshole?" As much fun as she was here,
wait till her stupid-looking country movie opens for a reminder.
Finally, they came up with a way to de-douche Schue: put him in scenes
with his crazy clingy ex. He seems almost human and sympathetic.
Except that there's no reason for her to exist on the show anymore.
Worst moment: the bully who kissed Kurt telling him, "I'm going to
kill you if you tell anybody". That wasn't foreshadowing. That was
CC: Okay, everyone I know is saying Gwyneth was really good on this,
and I suspect everyone is talking about the acting scenes, which of
course I did not watch, but obviously I watched the musical numbers
and I'm sorry, that woman cannot dance and therefore was a giant pain
in the eyeball to me. She was even worse than I thought she would be!
She looked like a lumbering horse up there! And I WANTED to like the
Umbrella mashup at the end. I've got very good memories of Harry Shum
dancing in the rain at the end of Step Up 2. But this? Yikes. Thank
god for the bright spots of Heather Morris whenever she showed up
onscreen; you could let your eyes go totally out of focus and still
know which one she was, she hits so much sharper and cleaner than
everybody else.

JB: Anne Hathaway is the Paltrow we like. I am hereby authorized by my
homeland to give the Royal Engagement sketch two thumbs of approval.
And Katie Holmes! There will be Scientology repercussions. Quick word
about this Jay Pharoah. He's something SNL hasn't had in a long time:
a cast member who could turn into a star. He's also something they
haven't has in even longer: a black cast member who could turn into a
star. It's a joke that he doesn't get to do his dead-on Obama because
someone who doesn't do an dead-on Obama and has to put on brown-face
was there first. But they need to find better way to showcase him
impressions than putting him on Weekend Update with an act he probably
did on open mic night at the comedy club. And he needs to stop wearing
t-shirts with his face on them.
CC: Agreed on the impressions showcase; the premise of that was sooo
shoehorned in. They shoulda just owned it, or stuck him in that last
sketch, which I had no hopes for when they kicked off with Wiig as
Cranberries, like, how busted is that, but then it provided me with my
biggest laugh of the entire night when Samberg showed up as Robert
Smith. I absolutely cracked up. It was just so ridiculous, by that
point in the show and after everything else that had already happened
(this week was waaay better than last week). Also great, Sudeikis's
little smile at the end of his Adam Lambert. Also totally
rewatchable? Bobby Moynihan as Guy Fieri. Shut up. I've seen Guy
Fieri on many a Food Network show and I don't know that I've ever
heard him mention raisins, ever, or even do ridiculous wordplay, but
goshdarnit, that damn segment worked for me.

Friday Night Lights
JB: Banner week for the supporting cast. Buddy Garrity Jr comes back
to Dillon, mocks his dad's abandoned showroom, calls the school a
mental hospital, openly admires Tami Taylor's rack, steals Buddy Sr's
truck and credit card. Plus he commits the cardinal sin on this show:
he thinks football's stupid. While Mrs Coach fails to make any
progress rehabilitating Epyck( that's right, Epyck. Not Epic), Mindy
Riggins out-Tami's her. That is correct, Billy Riggin's ex-stripper
wife totally came through for Becky, saving her from having to go back
under the same roof as her rotten dad and stepmom. The Riggins
decency: it's buried deep but it's always there.

JB: Maybe ten people are watching this show. Eleven if you count me. I
don't even know if I would attempt to recommend it to anyone. I just
know why I like it. It's a little bit The Rockford Files, a little bit
The Last Boy Scout and a little bit Chinatown. It's a detective show
in the same way Friday Night Lights is a football show. I'll even take
that a bit further: you know how, pre-FNL, Kyle Chandler was always
cast as the blend handsome guy? Terriers takes Donal Logue who was
always cast as the doughy slob and says, Yeah, he's that but why can't
he be the smart guy and action guy and the heartbroken guy and the
funny guy and the self-sabotaging drunk guy and the screw-up who's
trying to redeem himself? No reason at all, is the response from me
and the other ten in the audience.

The Walking Dead
JB: Question: why don't the living people call the walking dead
zombies? Why would they call them walkers? They've all seen zombie
movies. They know what zombies are. Why make up a new term? Especially
one that sounds like it was created so as not offend them. You can
offend them. They're zombies.
CC: Seriously! That's all I want to yell, all the time, during this
show: "Aaaa! MORE ZOMBIES!" And I actually thought the societal
shenanigans were interesting this week, but again? When the zombies
showed up at the end and just fucking ate half the people? God, this
show rocks. There's gonna be a weird, hollow window in my life when
this ends and I've still got six weeks before Spartacus begins, but
maybe I'll, like, read or something.

X Factor
JB: John Lennon was shot. George Harrison was stabbed. Paul McCartney
married Heather Mills. But nothing The Beatles (Now on iTunes.)
endured in the past was as bad as the treatment they received at the
hands of the X Factor finalists. This was the BEST performance of the
CC: Oh my god! This was great! So terrible! I love it! A boy band
so completely awash in formulaicness that you can't even complain, you
totally gotta give them credit! They've got one of everybody! Well,
no, they've got two Biebers, plus Seth Cohen from The OC's heyday and
a gay-brother-from-Gossip-Girl-ish guy and then the one sliiightly
manlier guy with the earring that the sliiightly older preteens can go
for, but my god! They've built the perfect little terrifying machine!
Aaaaa! Speaking of which, did you see NKOTBSB on the AMAs? Yikes.
And I don't even really mean that in a bad way since of course all the
tunes they did in their medley were super memorable and catchy to this
day yeah I said it.
JB: I did watch it. And I had a couple of thoughts: BSB songs are slightly less embarrassing to perform as adults. NKOTB could probably kick their asses if it comes down to a fight. Which it will.

And now...the first, and possibly last, installment of YA Book Club!

Dash & Lily's Book Of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
JB: We have TV Club. Rachel Cohn and David Levithan have their
she-writes-one-chapter-he-writes-the-next series of similarly-themed
bast-sellers. So obviously we come out ahead in that deal. I'm using
sarcasm to mask my seething professional jealousy. But there's no
point hating Cohn/Levithan's brand of indie/quirky boy/girl books.
They're genetically designed to win you over in the end. This one
didn't even have to wait to the end to get me. It's about a pair of
quirky(check), indie(check) Manhattan teens alone in Manhattan at
Christmas. Okay, stop right there. Quirky teens. Alone. Manhattan.
Christmas. I didn't even have to read the book. I've been three of
these things. My head is already filled with bittersweet imagery. But
Cohn/Levithan have more than just their emotive time and place.Just
like Nick and Norah's missing band and Naomi and Ely's no-kiss list,
Dash and Lily has/ have a gimmick. She embeds a Molsekine notebook in
an obscure shelf deep in the bowels of Manhattan's fabled Strand
bookstore. (The Strand! I'm welling up again.) The chances someone
will find it are minimal. The chances that the someone who finds it
will open it and be intrigued by the challenge to crack the literary
clue scrawled inside are even minimaler. But, of course, someone does.
And responds with a challenge of his own. And so on to the
post-Christmas happy ending. This duo churn out inventive and charming
books and they've hit on a formula that probably won't run out of gas
any time soon. And I'm sure David Leventhal was amusing himself when
he wrote the scene where the sixteen year-old heterosexual male
character celebrates having his parents' empty house to himself by
stripping off all his clothes and dancing around to his mother's Mamma
Mia CD.

Movie Club

Shutter Island
CC: I'm trying to figure out how the fuck I live in a world where
this movie made gazillions of dollars and Scott Pilgrim made much less
than gazillions of dollars.

CC: Okay, you know how Lost in Translation wasn't so much a movie as
a vibe? This was even less of a movie and more of a vibe. I didn't
know it was possible. I didn't even not like it, it's just that the
script for this thing must've been about four pages long. Nothing

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The TV Club!

See if anything gets lost in translation between here and http://cherrycheva.tumblr.com/

Did I like Teenage Dream as sung by all those dudes doing dorky dance
moves because that's ACTUALLY WHAT A CAPPELLA IS? Yes. I liked it a
lot. I liked it a super lot! Watched several times! Have been
listening on the internet repeatedly! I liked Artie and Puck's song,
too. But the mashup sequel? No thank you. And no, I didn't watch
any of the rest of the show except for part of the
Puck/Santana/Artie/Heather Morris double date, because you know, just
in case Heather Morris said something funny (she didn't in the part
that I saw). Oh well. Oh, also I saw Harry Shum and Tina making out
on a table. Eh. Is it me or do they have zero chemistry as a couple?
I'd rather watch Tina and Artie. I'd rather watch Harry Shum and
JB: Oh, you didn't watch the rest of the non-singing stuff?( and the
Puck & Artie white reggae bullshit didn't make you want to shoot
yourself in the face?) Well, allow me to fill in the blanks. The
message to the gay bullied youth of America is: don't worry, you will
get an imaginary boyfriend and your tormentors will all turn out to
secretly be gay. Also, it's wrong to even think mean thoughts about
the 40 year old virgin football coach who looks like a dude. That's
right, Glee's other message is that thinking is wrong. "That's the
opposite of what we do here," said Schue. About thinking. He also said
"And now you've been kissed" to the now-apparently-beloved Coach Dude
after planting a pity slobber on her which instantly soared to the top
of the long, long list of Schue's Douchiest Moments.
CC: THAT'S what the rest of the episode was about? Jesus. Well, I'd
be remiss if I didn't point out that I had a similar line about the
main character's first kiss in my book She's So Money, which was
written in 2006 and is also much better than whatever the fuck
happened here because it was a cute high school girl instead of a
monster and a hot high school guy instead of Mr. Schue who is also a
monster, and also it wasn't a pity thing, and was actually part of a
story that oh, I don't know, MAKES SENSE. Yeah, I said it. My book >
Glee. Ryan Murphy can laugh himself all the way to the bank, and he
is, and I clearly am not, but these are still facts.

Gossip Girl
CC: Blah blah blah takedowns blah blah hate sex blah blah MACAROONS!
What flavor is green? Pistachio maybe? I hope not mint. But either
way, I was very, VERY interested in the macaroons Blair kept eating,
so in lieu of commentary on the show (except for how much I loved that
casual tossed-off line re: Blair's exhibitionist tendencies), I'll
tell you where to get tasty macaroons in LA: La Provence. Try the
salted caramel. You're welcome.

CC: That was...eh. ScarJo's a great host, but the whole thing was
just lackluster (like for instance, not that Weekend Update had the
funniest jokes ever or anything, but the audience just did not seem to
be buying what anybody was selling, like, aggressively not buying it).
Bill Hader does the best dancing in that talk show thing. And the
Unstoppable thing was funny, although when does the Denzel goodwill
run out?
JB: Scarlett did her Brooklyny/ New Jersey accent nine times plus she
had kind of a Someone's Mom vibe about her (I think it was the hair).
The Denzel love does not run out for at least six more episodes ( but
the Kanye needs work). I got caught in a comedy torture bear trap with
Kenan's broken knee sketch. It wasn't funny but the anticipation of
his "LEAVE ME BE!" close-up killed me.

Friday Night Lights
JB: Vince Howard had a fantastic episode. The Coach had a pretty good
episode. Mrs Coach had an okay episode. Baby Coach had a great
episode(They keep catching lightning in a bottle with whichever group
of twins or triplets are playing that kid. Mrs Coach was trying to get
The Coach to do something he didn't want to do which we and he both
knew he was gonna do, she turned to the toddler and said said 'Tell
daddy to think about it'' and the kid SCREAMED "THINK ABOUT IT
DADDY!!!" Adorable!) Teenage Daughter Coach had a terrible episode. I
trust the writers on FNL a lot--except for the season we do not
mention-- but they have no idea what to do with Julie Taylor. The
character's story is over but they've still got the actress for the
remaining episodes so let's follow her to college and have her sleep
with her married TA.

Vampire Diaries
CC: I'll tell you what will surprise me the most on this show: if
they ever have a witch who isn't black. That's as good a rule as any,
I guess, but come on, like you didn't totally KNOW that new kid was
gonna be warlocky trouble, and yes, I'm biased cuz somehow I've
suddenly turned into a Bonnie/Jeremy 'shipper. The show leadeth me
down a path and I, with my no brain cells, happily follow.
JB: Elena. Katherine. Katerina. Bulgarian. English. Dobrev is like a
skinny Klumps. I'm an enjoyer of the sporadic When Vampire Harry Met
Vampire Sally thing with Stefan and Caroline. And the snark-romance
between Damon and Vampire Alexa Chung( that actress was Supernatural's
original Condescending Untrustworthy Bitch). Starbucks Vampire was
pathetic but that was probably the point. I fear the oversell of
Klause The Original Vampire. Unless it's Dobrev playing a guy. Which
she could.

JB:Wait, did they just try and introduce an comic relief character and
act like he'd been around for the entire series? I think they did!
Right at the start, some cackling nerd appears on a screen in her car
and Nikita does this kind of weary/ affectionate, "Hello Henry" like
she's acknowledging the weekly appearance of a beloved eccentric.
That's right: after an episode largely devoted to filling in Shane
West's backstory-- his wife and daughter were killed by an
Uzbeckistani terrorist he thought was his friend! He loves Nikita! And
he hates her!--I'm still thinking about the 30 second appearance of
the comedy nerd.
CC: How completely useless was that B-story? I just do not care
about anything that happens inside that damn building when we've got
Nikita running around in more outfits and kicking more ass. Lyndsy
Fonseca registered more on my radar during her five minutes in Hot Tub
Time Machine (yeah, I just saw that) than she ever does on this show.
(Also in Hot Tub Time Machine? Don Draper's secretary/fiancee's naked
boobs. And a delightfully anachronistic Lizzy Caplan. This has been
commentary on TV Club-related casting choices in a movie, instead of
actually doing Movie Club.)

JB: I think I've managed to grasp the arcs of the last few seasons:
we've got to save dad, we've got to save Dean The Lunkhead Brother
from going to Hell, we've got to stop the war between the demons and
the angels. This year-- and there's a big chunk to go so this could
all change-- the story seems to be: We've got to get Sam The Sensitive
Brother his soul back so we have to work for the wise-cracking Cockney
dude who claims to be the King Of Hell. He wants us to locate and
capture the original version of every monster known to man so he can
discover the caption of Purgatory and turn it into a new branch of
Hell. I might have got that wrong. I hope I got that wrong.

The Walking Dead
CC: I totally called the guy cutting off his arm (like, not even this
week, last week). Although I bet everybody did, but the way they
revealed it was still totally sweet. The gore in this show continues
to be the best thing-- I could stare at, and get grossed out by, those
zombie effects all day long. I totally understand that what some
people find interesting about this show is all the in-fighting and
societal stuff that happens when apocalypse occurs but everybody's
still human with flaws and foibles blah blah blah fascinating window
into the fragile nature of group dynamics blah, but for me? The best
part? Gross-ass zombies.
JB: I find I'm a little bit distracted--not from the splatter, more
the microcosm-of-society stuff-- by the actress who plays Sheriff
Rick's inadvertently unfaithful wife. She looks a lot like Kara
DioGuardi. That moment when she saw Sheriff Rick for the first time
and she got that "I am so busted...great to see you!" look on her
face, I was like, Wow, great job, DioGuardi.

The X Factor
JB:Elton John's songs are unsingable. They're in keys that are
impossible to reach. They go from really low to really high, sometimes
in the same syllable. American Idol did an Elton John week a few
years ago. Blood vessels burst. Oxygen tanks were wheeled on to the
stage. Some singers swallowed their own tongues. It was a mess. As was
X-Factor's Elton show. This dude got the boot:

This dude didn't:
Neither did The Most Hated Woman In Britain:

CC: It's stuff like this that makes me rethink my decision to watch
this show when the American version starts.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Monday, November 8, 2010

A TV Club Of Epic Proportions

Read it here right now or read it at http://cherrycheva.tumblr.com/ some time in the future. (Yeah, tumblr. The last person to leave MySpace has just turned off the lights)
Gossip Girl
CC: I can't believe it took me THIS long to realize that Serena's new professor guy is totally Joan's husband on Mad Men. I'm an idiot. And here I was all proud of myself for recognizing Stephanie from Mad Men in the new season of LXD (http://www.hulu.com/the-lxd). Ah well. The only true point of note this week is that BLAIR AND CHUCK TOTALLY GOT IT ON YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!
JB: Nice to see Robyn getting a little more US exposure. Nice to see Rachel Zoe slimed. And with that I deleted the rest of the season from the DVR.

Vampire Diaries
CC: OMG, JB! Another stabbing that did absolutely nothing! The DEFAULT at this point should be that if someone dies, they're probably not dead, but I keep on forgetting! Wannabe-Riggins Vamp is dead though. We hardly knew ye.
JB: So wait, Katherine isn't the original doppelganger? Which means Elena is the doppelganger of the doppelganger.(This show gets very word-fixated. Vervain. Moonstone. Doppelganger). An even earlier even eviler Katherine means more Dobrev ranginess aka I can't wait! I may have completely misread the Damon/Bonnie signals but I think I'm not wrong that he's going to get over his unrequited I-love-you to Elena with English Joan Jett vamp.
JB: Admit it, you registered that the actors playing the dead girl's grieving parents weren't giving Emmy-winning performances but you jumped out of your chair when the dad suddenly tried to garrot Nikita. Admit, also, you wanted her to adopt, if not that particular dog( it was a little too licky) then definitely some sort of pet for her to talk to in the massive loft. And once again, I know I'm always wrong about this stuff but the introduction of rival organization Gogol means that Division suddenly looks like the lesser of two evils and Nikita ends up in an uneasy truce with the devil she knows.
Friday Night Lights
JB: I think I know less about football now than whenI started watching this. That whole dramatic `State' thing at the end shot straight over my head. But I do know that Vince Howard showing his cleaned-up mom the letters from all the colleges interested in him and cheering "We're never gonna have to worry about anything again" can only lead to catastrophe. I also know that Julie Taylor has a type and he is deadly boring. I know that Luke Cafferty is Saracen 2.0 and Epic (really? Epic? That's a name? That's trending? Is Awesome a name, too?) is not worth Tami Taylor's time.
The Walking Dead
JB: Minus points for not using the tank. Sheriff Rick was in the tank. The street was swarming with zombies. This is not a show that skimps on the gore. The tank should have been used for squashing zombies. Minus even more points for every bit of dialogue out of everybody's mouth and ESPECIALLY Merle Dixon the redneck racist and T-Dog the enraged black man. Add most of these points back for the scene where Sheriff Rick and his twitchy Asian sidekick coated themselves in gore from a zombie corpse so the walking dead wouldn't pick up their human scent. This is going to be one of those shows that's at it's best when no-one's talking.
The X Factor
JB: And now I bring you The Most Hated Woman in Britain. Every day the UK press dredge up new and even more objectionable morsels from the life of Katie Waissell. Every day it becomes more obvious how much her fellow contestants loathe her. The people who work on The X Factor don't even try to hide their disdain. The public put her in the bottom two every week. But the judges. Will not send her home. Here she is singing for her life:
CC: I realize it wasn't on this week. But I read on the interwebs that Gwyneth Paltrow is gonna be guest-starring and I instantly said "Fuck you Glee!" and vowed never to watch it again. Then later on the interwebs I found this link:
and was just psyched enough that for once they actually did an A CAPPELLA ARRANGEMENT of the fucking song that I decided to watch again. I'm fastforwarding through Gwyneth though.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Mixtape Club: Song Of The Day!

Spider. "New Romance". Early 80s bubblegum New Wave= 2010 pop-country.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Mixtape Club: Song Of The Day!

The Four Pennies. "Black Girl".Polite, simpering, harmonious British beat group from the 60s suddenly EXPLODES ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Mixtape Club: Song Of The Day!

From the bowels of the 80s. Cabaret Voltaire. "Just Fascination"

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

TV Club Of The Dead!

It's here! It's also there: http://blogs.myspace.com/cherrycheva
CC: I think I've already registered how much I liked the Mercedes version of "Sweet Tranvestite." Allow me to now register how much I didn't like most of the rest of this (of course). Now, having to change a bunch of the lyrics, probably not their fault. It's an 8pm show. And Heather Morris, of course, killed her dancing. But. As usual. COME ON. If levels of anger re: this show equaled calorie expenditure, I would have Nina Dobrev's body by now.
JB: Someone smarter than me came up with the theory that there are three Glees. The ones Ryan Murphy writes and the ones the other two guys write where they try to clean up the mess he made. It's a waste of my fingers to point out the inconsistencies and the idiocies but...it's not like I'm doing much else with my fingers. WHY have Mike Chang volunteer to play Frank N Furter and then devolunteer? What purpose? Just to give him something to say? And Schue. The whole thing. Made. No. Sense. And Sue? What? And Finn! Over the course of three episodes, Finn has played 1) TheStupidest, Most Gullible Guy In The World, 2) A Smart And Sophisticated Interpretor Of High School Sexual Stereotypes and 3) A Guy Terrified Of His Own Body. This last one...we've seen him shirtless in the changing room countless times,he was in the hot tub with Quinn and banged Santana... he didn't have a problem with his body until Ryan Murphy needed an Issue Of The week.


CC: Jon Hamm is hilarious and I laughed basically every time he did that little piano plink in that sketch towards the end. Rihanna is sexy and charismatic and she's great at being annoyed in those Shy Ronnie things. Kristin Wiig is in too many sketches. I get it. I get why this happens. Probably the other girls had stuff that didn't go as well in dress, and obviously writers cast Wiig in shit cuz she delivers and then what you wrote gets in the show, but...Kristin Wiig is in too many sketches.
JB: Even though it was straight up NBC Universal unpaid advertising, I could have watched an entire 90 minutes of Back To The Future auditions. I concur with the above assessment of the Whig Glut. Happened to Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler,too. Except I never got the sinking feeling with them I do when she shows up. Which is because is her repertoire runs the gamut from awkward to delusional.

The Women Of SNL
JB: What happened to Jan Hooks? And Cheri Oteri's face?

Vampire Diaries

CC: Best. Fucking. Episode. EVER. EVER! YOU HEAR ME? EVER!!!!!!!!!!
JB: Here's my review: FUCK!. Wait, I got more. Cancel the rest of the series right now because they'll never make a better episode than that. Wait, I got more. Writers and producers working on shows unable to move their plots forward( Hello, The Event) or tell coherent stories ( Yes you, Glee) or remove their fingers from the reset button (uh-huh, Gossip Girl),learn the lessons of this episode. Everything happened. Nina Dobrev ruled the world. Vampire Caroline was awesome and remained in character while doing so. The breadth of the Bennett witch dynasty was revealed. A new werewolf was unleashed. Bonnie and JerEMO became a cute couple (despite some idiot surmising that a Bonnie/Damon romance was inevitable). Mrs Mayor gave a shout-out to everyone who rolls their eyes at the Mystic Falls event of the week when she said of the masquerade, "I don't know how it's supposed to help the homeless." And Elena was abducted thus opening up a whole new chapter. There were probably other things that happened that I can't remember right now. That's how it's supposed to work, TV. There's supposed to be too much good stuff to remember.

Friday Night Lights
JB: This first episode felt like a last episode so what's the last episode going to be like? Stoic Riggins in the prison yard. Billy Riggins begging The Coach for a chance to prove himself. Julie Taylor leaves home. Landry's last night. And The Coach's "I'm gonna miss this"? Speaking for all of us.


CC: Can we talk about Nikita's ridonkulous cut-out loungewear? Seriously. That floor-length maxidress made out of what appeared to be very soft, comfy T-material, but with panels missing on either side of the stomach? What's that about? Rib ventilation? And then that shirt with the multiple slashes all along the arms? I'd watch this show for the hilarious wardrobe alone, but lucky me there's also cool stuff like that guy becoming a cleaner, which I called, oh, six whole seconds before it actually happened. I'm getting smarter!
JB:It's probably a bad sign where you're watching a show and you find yourself thinking about the show you wish they'd made. I wonder if the people who work on Nikita regret starting the story so far down the line. I kind of wish she was a long-time agent who just found out she worked for the bad guys and dedicated herself from that moment on to taking them down. Yes, I wish Nikita was exactly like season 2 of Alias. But only season 2 because it all fell to pieces after that.

The Walking Dead

CC: Holy shit. This show is fucking FANTASTIC. My mind is blown! Yeah, the setup was 28 Days Later, and the opening was reminiscent of Dawn of the Dead (zombie blond child, always scary), but so what, all zombie stuff starts from that same basic place, and it was all awesome anyway, and just got progressively MORE awesome as it went on. The zombie effects are CRRRAZY good, and they are not skimping on the violence and gore AT ALL (that half-lady? that fucked up, crawling half-lady? that horse? eating that fucking horse? oh my god) and they've already planted the seeds of several very interesting storylines, so you KNOW all that drama PLUS flesh-eating monsters at every turn? I want a zillion episodes of this on my DVR and I want them there RIGHT NOW.
JB: I've seen enough horror films and enough zombie films not to be scared by...I WAS SCARED ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS. When zombie mom staggered back to her house. When the main dude rode through empty Atlanta, turned a corner and saw the zombie mob. When he rolled under the tank and looked like he was gonna shoot himself. When the zombies ate the horse. THEY ATE A WHOLE HORSE! We've all been fooled by fantastic pilots that turned into terrible series but I have a feeling this one's going to work. AMC owes us for Rubicon.

Boardwalk Empire
JB: Once again, The Jimmy Darmody Show. Nucky's daddy issues versus Darmody getting the marksman with half a face to dispose of the guy who hacked up his whore= no contest.

Sensitive Brother: This week we...
JB:I probably ran that into the ground a few weeks ago. Best and worst of Supernatural on display here. Great creepy pre-credits sequence-- a jittery waitress driven to suicide when everyone around her starts telling her the truth about herself into the most brutal way possible--gets quickly pissed away when the two brothers deduct a stolen Trumpet of Truth is causing an outbreak of honesty-based deaths. They look at a TV screen and decide a local TV reporter is behind the slaughter. They go to her house and, yes, she turns out to be Veritas, The Goddess of Truth. But then the Goddess of Truth reveals that the sensitive brother has returned from hell without a soul. Now, I'm not saying the two guys on Supernatural are great actors but they're great at being the two guys on Supernatural. Jensen Ackles, who plays the lunkhead, has this looooong no-dialogue reaction to the not-totally-unexpected news that his sibling is probably a demon. And then he beats the shit out of him. Okay, we just saw zombies eat a horse. But this is the CW. This is a teen-aimed network show devoting five minutes of airtime to one guy punching another guy until his knuckles are bloody are the eyes he's hitting swell shut. I find I'm scaring easier these days.

X Factor
JB: The Halloween show. Which lead to this:
And this, which received Best Performance Of The Season accolades and sent the original song skyrocketing back into the charts: