Monday, October 25, 2010

TV Club: I Love It!

There's a lot going on here. Who knows what's going on at

JB: LIndsay Lohan's already got enough irrational reasons to hate Emma Stone.Now she has to spend Saturday night in rehab watching someone with similar hair, features and gravelly voice impersonating her. I had my own irrational reasons to hate the collegiate comedy writer guy on Weekend Update but his I Love It killed. Hader breaking during Stefon was beyond endearing. The fake Ke$ha Grape Jelly short is actually better than the real Ke$ha's new song. And all her old ones. And I know the song they played during the French teen sketch. It's this:
CC: Emma Stone, great, not that they gave her the range-iest stuff, but whatever. Most of the rest of the show, not so much. I think those two last things were my fave. And of course Stefon, which at this point I am confused as to whether Bill Hader is just like "fuck it" and just lets himself crack up as part of the thing, since we know it's gonna happen anyway. I also liked the dancing part of that French sketch because, you know, dancing. It vaguely reminded me of that classic Gilda Radner/Steve Martin "Dancing in the Dark" thing where they just sort of danced/flailed all over the studio. Yeah, that's right, I just referenced a classic. From the 70s. Go me.

JB: As much TV as I watch, there's still times I feel like I've never seen any TV at all. I was like Whaaat when Devon Sawa fessed up to killing Nikita's goofy web designer. Didn't see it coming. I have, however, seen enough to know that the gun Lil' Nikki shot fake terrorist with was full of blanks.
CC: HA! They totally did a "That WAS the test"! Hell, they even did a "That TEST was the TEST"! They doubled it up! Ridiculous. Hilarious. I totally thought Devon Sawa was gonna kill himself with morphine, by the way, so call me stupid there (I swear, for as much as this show is ridonk, it manages to pretty much fool me with a plot twist every week). By the way, I don't believe for a second that Nikita fell in love with Web Design McGee. Come on. I mean, on the one hand, sure, maybe she WOULD go for that boring guy cuz her life's so badass and exciting, but on the other hand, really? REALLY? Whatever. Loved the fact that towards the end of the show when she had to go get Alex, she fully changed from ridiculously tight pants into ridiculously tighter pants. THAT was the outfit change. Thus is life when you're Nikita.

Vampire Diaries
JB: Elena and Stefan: Nooo!
Matt: Nooo!
Underused Aunt Jenna: Nooo!
Somewhat prematurely disposed of Uncle Werewolf: Nooo!
Vampire Caroline and Sheriff Mom's Loving and Mutually Respectful Relationship: Nooo!
Damon and Bonnie the witch as a potential couple because I have a feeling that might be the road they're going down: Nooo!
CC: Oh, man, vervain soup in the well! OUCH! Katherine's smarter than everyone. If I were Elena at this point I'd probably just kill myself. Everything just seems like too much trouble. Her being alive is literally just too much trouble for her and everyone she cares about. Plus, she has to do some goddamn town event every week. How old is THAT getting? I'm merely watching it and it's kinda getting old (and yet not, ridiculous charity events every week somehow do not actually offend me, unlike the ridiculous singing assignments every week on Glee...gee, maybe it has something to do with the MUCH BETTER WRITING ON THIS SHOW).

Lunkhead Brother: We've done more than our share of vampire-based episodes over the last few years but we've never taken a big shit on Twilight and it's dimwit fans before so this one was far and away our greatest hit.
Sensitive Brother: What did the gross, sweaty, Sons Of Anarchy-type vamp say about the simpletons who love Stephenie Meyers?
Lunkhead Brother: He said they want a promise ring with fangs. Then I macheted his head off.
Sensitive Brother:Awesome. Also, you know how I went to hell at the end of the last season and then came straight back at the start of this one? It might not be me. Just saying.

The Good Wife
JB: My token boring show. Except it's got sort of good. I think it's because they stopped worshipping at the altar of noble, blameless Julianne Margulies and now it's all backstabbing and shady deals under the table. Look at the cast of this thing: Jason Street, Logan Huntzberger from Gilmore Girls, Richard Gilmore from Gilmore Girls, Alan Cumming, Griffin Dunne, Anika Noni Rose, another of Meryl Streep's daughters, Christine Baranski, Josh Charles. I would mention Archie Panjabi. She won Best Supporting Actress after all. But it's like she's on a different show. Her show's about an omnisexual investigator in thigh-high leather boots who deals with rival investigator Jason Street poking around her made-up background by taking a baseball bat to his rental car and then grabbing a fistful of his crotch and administering executive relief.
CC: Wait. Jason Street is on this show? That's where he went? YAY! Good for him! :D I'm so happy! But I'm not gonna watch it.

The X Factor
JB: This happened on TV. On a show looking for a new pop star. Watched by millions.
So did this:
And this. Which I kind of liked.
CC: Two seconds. Five seconds. Five seconds. Is how long I lasted on each of those, respectively.

Amazing Race
CC: That fob dad is so freakin' cute. That is all.

Boardwalk Empire
CC: YES! Thank you! Death! Mayhem! Multiple people getting shot unexpectedly (cuz I am stupid and did not see it coming) at point-blank range! Yes please! More please! More Al Capone and Jimmy Darmody coldbloodedly killing the fuck out of people and less of everything else plzkthx! Seriously, I'm not smart enough to follow anything on this show except for the murders and not even them half the time. Like, I guess FBI guy is either super religious, or a perv, or a super-religious perv? I honestly have no idea what all that hitting-self-with-belt business was about. I mean, I have some idea, but I don't know if it's right. Eh. Who cares.
JB: He was flagellating himself over having impure thoughts about 16 year-old Glasgow's own Kelly MacDonald. Whose body double was Not Saggy. But the main point is, this show suddenly DOES have a charismatic and believable guy as it's star. It's Michael Pitt. Never liked him in the few movies i ever saw him in, but it's suddenly all working for him and his five-knuckle dagger. The Darmody/ Capone storyline is SO much better than everything else. And it takes place in Chicago. Not Atlantic City. So the best bits of Boardwalk Empire have nothing to do with the Boardwalk Empire.

Movie Club
CC: JB, I finally saw Splice, which meant I could finally go back and read what you wrote about Splice, and can I just say that this movie was ALL SORTS OF FUCKED UP. I've got a pretty strong stomach for gore and fucked up shit and whatever, like any proper enjoyer of horror movies, but this wasn't really a horror movie (I did very much dig the part with the two caterpillar things suddenly stabbing each other to death), it was just...I mean, it was all sorts of stuff, and much slower and less horror-y than the trailer would lead you to believe, and also by the end, JUST GROSS. Ew. Sarah Polley got fucked. By herself. Like, *literally*. No thank you. From now on I will take my Sarah Polley in the same form I used to take it: running away from zombies with that guy from Medium whenever Dawn of the Dead shows up on cable.

Paranormal Activity 2
CC: There was activity. It was paranormal. Pretty much in the same way the first one was paranormal. So pretty good. But then the ending was bad. You hear me, Paranormal Activity people? You're lazy. LAZY!

The Loved Ones
JB: Let's make it a horror trifecta. This is an Australian film--but don't stop reading-- which, I guess will come out here on DVD at some point or maybe already has. Worth watching because: it's Pretty In Pink meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Except the quirky girl in the home-made pink dress has her crush abducted, carves a heart in his chest, drills a hole in his forehead and throws him the basement with the rest of her mutant lobotomized former prom dates. Here's the trailer:

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