Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The TV Club of Ga'Hoole


You think it's bad here? It gets worse at http://blogs.myspace.com/cherrycheva

Mad Men
JB: It's a given that any Sally Draper storyline is going to leave me shattered in a million pieces but THIS one with the sleepover and the rum and the tantrum and faceplant and the stoic resignation that things are only going to get worse? It killed me. I am now dead. And speaking of dead, the Blankenship saga ended the way it began: leaving me momentarily unsure what show I was watching. And my brilliant prediction of a Joan/ Lane hookup? Let's never speak of it again. Oh, and if I'm not wrong, Jessica Pare, who plays beanpole receptionist Megan is another graduate of Jack & Bobby.
CC: I have done a total 180 on Kiernan Shipka. A year ago I constantly wanted to punch her in the face. I wanted to punch a *child* in the face. Now, my facepunching desires have all been transferred to Dr. Faye and Lesbian, both of whom have weird things going on with their mouths when they talk, whereas Kiernan Shipka fucking ROCKED THAT SHIT. That flipout in the office was so fucking real it was scary. I was instantly transported back to my own childhood meltdowns and you know those aren't a fun place to go. Yeesh. *throws Emmy at kid*
JB: A year ago? A year ago was the Grandpa Gene story. Retract the punch. RETRACT IT!

The Eyebrow Diaries
JB:If Kiernan Shipka hadn't annihilated all competition, I'd be hailing Candice Accola's vamp turn as outstanding performance of the week. She had a lot of shit on her plate: she had to be a victim, a predator, a badass, a bimbo and a loyal girlfriend. And she did it all. Not reneging on my praise for Dobrev's double role, but this was a...I'm not so good with sports terms...this was something good involving balls. Nice shot from Damon at Stefan's comic timing.
CC: I almost couldn't believe they had Stefan Twilight Elena up to the top of that ferris wheel, except that of COURSE they had him do that, and also, why is it that when vampires are drinking blood it so often sounds like sex? Yeah, yeah, there's all that lore, what was it, Anne Rice or someone, with the drinking of blood being basically like sex for a vampire, so vampires don't even care about sex (ha, yeah right), blah blah, all the mythology everywhere is different, but my point is, hoo boy was Caroline having some fun getting her meals on for the first time. One time back in the day I was watching Angel and my roommate heard the sounds and thought I was watching porn. I mean, it was a scene partially involving Angel slapping Darla around so I guess it was arguably in the vicinity, but still. Do we like Werewolf Uncle? I'm not sure I'm sold on Werewolf Uncle yet. Man, I hope the werewolf effects don't suck because if they do, that will suck.

Jersey Shore
JB: Cruel irony: Vinny wants to get wifed up and the object of his pathetic affections leaves him sweaty, desperate and begging on the phone.
Can we please, please, never see Uncle Nino again? Please?

Nikita
JB: We learned three things from this episode. 1) Maggie Q lightens up a lot when she's around heavy artillery and Shane West. 2)If you hire Melinda Clarke and you do not tap her snark abilities, you are wasting a great natural resource. And 3) Nikita built a sauna. In the middle of her gargantuan loft. Is this something she learned at Division? Is Melinda Clarke The Handywoman as well as The Inquisitor and The Stylist?
CC: Did I understand the plot of this episode? No. Did I think Lyndsy Fonseca's flashback wig was ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AND RIDICULOUS? Yes. Did I join you in being bewildered by the presence of a sauna in Nikita's loft? Sure. Was I completely entertained by all of it anyway? Duh. Note to self: buy more white tank tops.

ANTM
JB: Tyra hates bullying. She's dead against girls being made fun of for their body types or their unusual looks or their sexual orientation. That's why she sequesters them in an enclosed space, makes sure they're all jealous of each other and films the results. And i'm saying the lesbian is this year's plus-size winner.

X Factor
JB: This contestant is a total whore. No, she really is. That's what she does for a living. She charges 250 British pounds an hour(that's something like $6000) Not sure if she's worth it.

Gossip Girl
JB: Blake Lively isn't in The Town a whole lot but she dirties up nicely as an Oxy-gobbling townie slut. Her accent commutes from Boston to Abu Dhabi but she's pretty good. And that's all I have to say about Gossip Girl.

Hawaii 5-0
CC: I totally just watched this. I was totally entertained. I think Danno is my favorite. I'm pretty sure staring at Maggie Q and Grace Park all season is gonna give me an eating disorder (by which I mean, I will eat more, because fuck it, why bother trying). All that being said, I'm not sure this show is gonna have staying power with me, just cuz me and cop shows, as proven time and time again, are not so much ("Good for you, Justified! Good for you, Terriers! Now pardon me while I go watch something having to do with clothes.")

Boardwalk Empire
CC: I realize that the cynics and/or gangster history experts out there were totally not fooled, but please place me FIRMLY in the camp that thought the Al Capone reveal was like the MOST AWESOMEST THING EVER.

Dancing With the Stars
CC: "Why the fuck is Jennifer Grey crying? What's wrong with her? It's just a song. I mean, I know it's from a movie you were in, but get it together, woman, you're making a complete fool of yourself on national-- oh, right, Patrick Swayze is dead. Whoops." I didn't watch the vast majority of this but I watched enough to know that The Situation can't dance, which in no way contradicted any of the knowledge I had about him previously.

Lone Star
JB: One of the two lead actresses on this show is named Eloise Mumford. Soon as I saw her name I immediately thought of the indie-folky group Mumford & Sons and THAT VERY SECOND, a song by Mumford & Sons started playing on the very indie-folk-heavy soundtrack. The other lead actress is Adrianne Palicki and as soon as I saw her play a scene with the lead actor who is a freakishly exact genetic split between George Clooney and Kyle Chandler, I was reminded that Friday Night Lights comes back next month.

The Event
JB: You know how Flash Forward was like Lost's idiot cousin? The Event is like Flash Forward's slow-witted nephew. I hated this pilot because it set up a ton of questions that I know will never be satisfactorily answered but I already know I'll be watching next week.

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