Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Shit My TV Club Says

If you can't stand the heat here, stay out of the kitchen at http://blogs.myspace.com/cherrycheva

Mad Men
JB: Last week left me for dead. This week miraculously revived me before beating me senseless with a wooden cane. So much misery: Don's panic attack, Roger reduced to begging for his life, Joan left to take care of things on her own, Lane's old-school British parenting. I do not predict a happy ending for anyone. Especially not Don. Pete owns him. And it probably wasn't a great idea to tell the blonde, mob-related doctor about his double life when he's about to cheat on her with Megan the beanpole secretary. On the other hand, I was fully expecting another crushing disappointment for Sally Draper and was pleasantly surprised when her Beatles tickets came through.
CC: Can we talk about Alison Brie's pregnancy nightie? I could not stop laughing. What WAS that? That thing was ridiculous (and also perfect).

Jersey Shore
JB: The endless weeks of Ronnie being a treacherous scumbag culminated in a catfight between Sammi and Jwoww. The last few weeks have all been about The Situation trying to bust Angelina for basically pulling the same shit he does. And that's headed for a Snooki/ Angelina smackdown. Can we just fill a cage with mud and move it into the house?

SNL
JB: You know what I like? Lots of cameos. You know what I don't like? The unadorned sound of Katy Perry's voice. You know what I think? By the time this season's over, Jay Pharoah will be starring in his own Beverly Hills Cop reboot.
CC: Highlight: Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg in that acting thing. And Kenan singing Fast Car. Shut up. I don't care what anyone says. Those were the highlights.

Glee
JB: Quinn v Santana? Best acting ever seen in this entire series. Ever. They went for that shit. I liked the meta-opening where Mr. Schue was all, "the kids don't like it when I rap?" But guess what, we-- that's right, I'm aligning myself with the kids, why not?-- don't like it when ANYONE RAPS. Finn: no flow. Artie: can't hang. Fair enough, bring in a ringer to spook Rachel Berry but this show desperately needs someone who can get through sixteen bars without stumbling.

Nikita
JB: I can't really recommend Nikita to anyone but I also can't deny that I'm into it. And by it, I mean her. I'm not hailing Maggie Q as a comic genius or anything but she thrives in scenarios that require more than kicking and crazy hotness. Like this episode where she was paired together with a jittery civilian. Maybe she'll find an abandoned baby at the door of her huge loft. Actually, I don't have the patience to wait for them to do that. I might have to start writing Nikita fanfiction right now...
CC: I can TOTALLY recommend Nikita to everyone! Most people won't, and shouldn't, listen to me, but the power of my girlcrush on Maggie Q is strong (I'll fight you for her, JB), so if you, like me, are apparently susceptible to half-asian chicks with limbs the size of twigs kicking the crap out of multiple people on a weekly basis while somehow having perfectly imperfect hair, get on this. I seriously don't know the plots of any of the episodes so far. Doesn't matter. Still watching.

The Event
JB: You know how Rubicon was impossible to follow and you know how the new version of V was deadly dull. That's basically what The Event is. It's a little bit paranoid conspiracy thriller and a little bit alien invasion. Obviously, they couldn't sell it as Rubicon-meets- New V because who'd want to see that? So they're pushing it as Lost-meets-24. Which it isn't. But am I on board? Until they make me me feel stupid for getting invested--which I absolutely know will happen--yes I am.

Vampire Diaries
JB:The wolf was disappointing. Candice Accola, once again, was not. I don't know Ian Somerhalder's whole acting history but I can't imagine he doesn't jump out of bed in the morning and race to the set because this part he's got is fantastic. That bit at the end when he admits he snapped Elena's emo brother's neck and then threw a massive sulk because she didn't want to be friends with him? That was a Don Draper you-think-he's cool- but-he's-a-psycho-with-the emotional-maturity of-a-12-year-old moment.
CC: Let's take a trip down memory lane to a little show called The OC, season 1, the pilot of which had the insanely annoying Summer Roberts as played by Rachel Bilson. I hated Summer at first. HAAATED her. And then suddenly, a few episodes in, everything flipped and the character became utterly charming while still somehow being the same, and I totally began to heart her. Candice Accola? Is my 2010 Summer. Can't say the same for the werewolf effects. When did it become the thing to just have werewolves be wolves when they wolf out? Whatever happened to the good old days of having them turn into freaky, genuinely fucked-up half-man half-wolf monster-looking hybrid beasts that actually LOOKED SCARY? I blame Twilight.

X Factor
JB: This young lady is polarizing the nation. Half the country doesn't like her. The other half CAN"T STAND HER. For me, she's a clear case of someone who will bomb out halfway through the live shows--which haven't even started yet, this shit goes on till Christmas!-- and winds up with a better career than the eventual winner.

Supernatural
JB: A few months back I wrote about all four seasons of Supernatural but I never got around to talking about the fifth one. So, briefly:
Season Five
Sensitive Brother: Oh no, I was bamboozled into opening the last gate of Hell and unleashing Lucifer who wants to use my body as a vessel to destroy the world.
Lunkhead Brother: Dick. Luckily, Saint Michael wants to use me as a vessel to stop you which totally plays in to all our sibling issues as well as building up to an apocalypse that will leave nothing but charred smoking earth.
Sensitive Brother: Wow, it's gonna be an epic season. I guess they've really upped our budget to help us tell this massive story.
Lunkhead Brother: Nope. In fact, after Episode One, we not only don't mention the apocalypse again for something like eight weeks, we do four comedy episodes in a row, one of which is set at a Supernatural fan convention and is awesome.
Sensitive Brother: But we finally get back to it and we even tread in some pretty blasphemous territory, going as far as suggesting that God's gone AWOL and we're humanity's only hope.
Lunkhead Brother: And you know how I went to Hell a few seasons back to save you?
Sensitive Brother: Well, I do it at the end of this season. Jump in a big hole and vanish, leaving you to find the peace and happiness you've always wanted with the sketchily- defined chick you met in Season Three who you found you had a kid with. You're welcome.
And now...
Season Six.
Sensitive Brother: So you know how I jumped down a hole and saved the world?
Lunkhead Brother: Right. Just like me. But I was down there for thirty years.
Sensitive Brother: I came right back. I mean, within seconds. I've been back a year.
Lunkhead Brother: Wait, what?
Sensitive Brother: You were all settled in suburbia with the sketchily-defined chick and the kid who I don't think uttered a word the entire episode. I didn't want to deprive you of that. So I hooked up with our dead grandpa and a whole bunch of demon-hunting cousins we've never seen or mentioned before. Because something bad is coming.
Lunkhead Brother: What, worse than the apocalypse?
Sensitive Brother: Yeah, we kind of screwed ourselves there a little bit. Didn't seem likely we'd get a sixth season and then we did. But we'll come up with something.

Parenthood Season 1
JB: That's right. I dismissed this after one episode and then I crawled back. You know who's great in this? Monica Potter. Monica Potter who used to be what Michelle Monaghan is now. Stuck with boring parts in high-profile movies where she never gets a chance to shine. You know who's also great? Erika Christensen. Never made much of an impression in movies, Swimfan, it goes without saying, aside, always got her mixed up with Julia Stiles ( and her character here is called Julia which doesn't help). You know who's REALLY great in this? Mae Whitman.She has this arc where she sleeps with her cousin's boyfriend and gets labelled the school whore and she runs away...it's so much better than I'm making it sound.And the girl who plays the cousin who's name I'm not sure of. Also great. And then Lauren Graham... something screwy happened towards the end of Gilmore Girls where the woman who created it and wrote pretty much every one of it's many many words got booted off the show and this guy who wrote a one-man show about whacking off to Heidi Klum was installed in her place. So, on the one hand, it's a thrill to see Lauren Graham back playing her Greatest Hit. On the other hand, that's EXACTLY who she's playing. There's a bunch of dudes in it as well and that aspect is a little more problematic because they all cry and they cry easily. But I'm glad I gave this a second chance. Congratulations, me.

1 comment:

suzyGB said...

you are so spot on and funny. I heart this post.