Tuesday, August 31, 2010

TV Club: All Of The Mocking. None Of The Jay


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Mad Men
JB: This whole season is one long grim exercise in `So you think Don Draper's cool? What about now? Still like him? How about now?' Just in case stealing Danny Strong's idea, floundering his way through a boozy attempt to save the Life pitch and waking up with a grenade wasn't enough, we also find out that Don wasn't even hired on his merits but because of holes in Roger Sterling's alcohol-soaked memory. And Jared Harris is quietly ruling as Lane Pryce.
CC: This was my fave ep of this season since the first one. I am a sucker for flashbacks...it totally reminds me of the flashbacks on Buffy (yeah Danny Strong!) when we got to see Angel and the other vamps in old timey-times and okay, sure, there was a lot of ridiculous hair and bad accents, but come ON, you got to see how it STARTED, you got to see how it HAPPENED, and we got to see that here tonight! Um. But. I get that it is easy to make Slattery look younger just by changing his hair color a bit, but this show has NEVER been able to make Jon Hamm look any younger than he looks right this very second. I don't know how old he is, but I'm thoroughly convinced that he has looked 39 his entire life, and this show's flashbacks with him never do anything to change that. He'll probably still look 39 when he's 85 so he's got that going for him. Oh, also, looooved the Joan/Roger flashback. Adorbs.

Jersey Shore
JB: Loved The Situation's Ocean's Eleven-calibre elaborate plan to put the hippopotamus to sleep. Loved the unhurried footage of Jwoww perking up the girls. Loved The Situation being the bigger man and de-excluding Angelina from anchovy night. Didn't even hate Ronnie and Sammi if only because of the Technical Emmy-worthy editing in of incriminating debaucheries when Ronnie was protesting his innocence. Didn't love Snooki and Jwoww lying about the letter. Especially Jwoww declaring "I've done my duty as a good girlfriend."
CC: I just love how ridiculous that letter actually is. There's only so many people in the house. There's only so many people in the house who would tell on Ronnie. And yet. The letter is somehow some big mystery. Except that it isn't. And Sammi's an idiot.

Rachel Zoe
JB: If I ever enrol in John Homa's acting academy, I might perform a monologue based on Roger's to-camera interludes from this episode. Despite venting about RZ's reluctance to have a child, her disinclination to spend any time alone with him on her anniversary,how she's become a completely different person-- they aired film from the RZ/ Roger honeymoon: she IS literally a different person--how weary he is of trailing in her wake while she gushes over Oscar de la Renta, he half-heartedly insists he loves her more than ever. And after I perform that monologue, Homa would say, "I got nothing to teach you. Get outta here!" Btw, nine (9) mentions of Taylor this week.

No Ordinary Family
JB:ABC is foolishly previewing their new superhero show online. Luckily, I've edited it before it airs. I took all out the times Julie Benz talks about how hard she works and how little time she gets to spend with her family. Boom: 15 minutes gone right there. I took out all the times Michael Chiklis talks about family: how memories make a family, how family has to stick together through good times and bad, how important is to for a family to play catch and eat breakfast together, basically any sentence featuring the word family. 20 minutes of fat trimmed. I took out whichever member of the untalented Panabaker clan was whining and moping. 6 minutes. And I removed the special needs son. What are we left with. Autumn Reeser. I like this show.

Aarti Party
JB: Just like it was foretold in ancient prophecy Jessica would win Scream Queens, so it was obvious Aarti Sequira(sp?) would walk away with The Next Food Network Star. Sure, she had confidence issues but she also had that lilting posh accent, that megawatt smile, that impressive boobage and that background in Indian cuisine which the network was lacking. Now, the Scots have a rapacious national appetite for Indian food( the chcken tikka massala was born in the kitchen of a Glasgow restaurant. FACT.) so I was looking forward to Aarti's vehicle. But, guess what, The Food Network is STILL lacking an Indian show. What they've got is kind of a half-assed how-to-make-the-same-cheap-
and-simple-stuff-all the-other-chefs-with-weekend-shows-make. But with cumin and ground ginger. And cutesy names like Huggy Buggy Bread Pudding and I Ain't Chicken Chicken and Mumbai Sloppy Joe. One thing was different, though. You know how Giada always has a ticking clock? She's always got to cook up a storm because her friends are coming over or there's some delightful event? This was Aarti's ticking clock:"My accountability group is coming over for dinner." Your what now? She said it again in the second segment. "My accountability group is coming and we've got some heavy stuff to talk over." I sat through Aarti's Huggy Buggy Bread Pudding recipe because I was intrigued. Segment Three: "My accountability group and I will be discussing our dreams". So then there was one more bit where she proudly displayed the entire meal she'd made. And then...the show ended! The accountability group never appeared! What was that about?
CC: I didn't watch this but I'm already fascinated by this accountability group. Is this, like, a lottery-type thing (and I'm talking Shirley Jackson's short story here) where they all say they're gonna do stuff, and this group holds them accountable for doing it, and then if you don't do it by the time the next group meeting happens, they take matters into their own hands and punish you? Because what if Aarti said she was gonna win Next Food Network Star, and then she DIDN'T? She'd be dead right now! Stoned! To death! By her accountability group!!! Aaaa!!!

X Factor
JB: What a tumultuous week. Cowell publicly apologized for the use of auto-tune in the first episode. The woman whose clip I put up last week was disqualified on the grounds that she was mentally ill. (They keep moving the goalposts!) Another woman who acted like she'd just been unfrozen from a block of ice and put on a stage where she had to grapple with unfamiliar concepts like microphones and audiences was unmasked as a cold-hearted scam artist who already had a record deal. Finally, Cowell scrapped the scheduled show, declaring it substandard( once again, he moves the goalposts) and substituting one featuring the heartwarming triumph of a fifty year-old supermarket worker who is going to be the Irish Susan Boyle. Sorry, NOT going to be the Irish Susan Boyle. Also from Ireland-- the home, lest we forget,of those talented twins who now have their own reality show which I will never watch. Sorry, WILL watch--one of the best talent show auditions ever. I'm not even kidding, stick with this:
CC: Oh! That was joyful. I am full of joy.

Scream Queens
CC: Yeah, yeah, Jessica didn't get leading lady, whatever, she's still winning this thing. Gabby needs to-- like, how the hell do you not know where your mark is when it's a BIG ROCK right in front of you? And even if you have to look at it, does it have to be EIGHT TIMES? It's a rock. It's not moving. It's not going anywhere. Walk toward it. Like, she can't hit a mark, she doesn't wait till she hears "Action!", she-- she literally-- I mean, dude. It's not gonna do you any good to be acting up a storm (which she was NOT doing, anyway-- I just watched the finished Vampire Outlaws trailer on vh1.com and boy did she suck in it) if at any second you might walk right off the set mid-scene because you don't know where it, or the camera, or the marks, or the props, or the other actors, are. It's crrrrazy how bad she is at that stuff. AND I CONTINUE TO LOVE THIS SHOW.
JB:"Okay Sierra, now try it a little sexier." AHAHAHAHAHA!!!. "Now, maybe a little meaner." AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! "Can you do it tougher?" AHAHAHAHAHA!!!


NJ Housewives Reunion
CC: I'm only halfway through this so far but MY GAWD. How great was Teresa going completely ballistic like that? Great. GREAT. GRREEAAATT!

Emmys
JB: I may have watched that opening number more than once. Plus, I now have a handy way to describe a movie, TV show, person, activity or experience I admire, respect, encourage but want no part of. Temple Grandin. Example-Q:"Are you going to see the movie of Eat Pray Love?" A:" It looks very Temple Grandin."


Movie Club

Scott Pilgrim
CC: Loved it.
JB: Seems like there's real love/hate divide w/ this one except with me who neither loved nor hated it. But I paid enough attention to have a favorite line of dialogue. Here it is. From a random Toronto hipster just before the first Schwarzman face-off: "The first album wasn't as good as the first album."


Piranha 3D
CC: LOVED IT.

Expendables
JB: Remember how last week I hilariously suggested they make an Expendables cast with middle-aged actresses? THEY ALREADY DID!

1 comment:

ThisGirl Lori said...

I am so glad I took your advice and watched the Irish X-Factor kid the whole way thru!!!!

BTW, I had no idea that chicken tikka masala comes from Glasgow!