Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Like Nanny McPhee, TV Club Returns!


Read the whole truth here. Try to see through the web of lies at http://blogs.myspace.com/cherrycheva

Mad Men
JB: I'm not a prude(ie: I'm a bit of a prude) but when little Sally Draper was rubbing one out to Ilya Kuryakin, I was thinking less about the negative influence of an ugly divorce and an icy, uncaring mother and more about the ten year-old actress who had to play the scene. I know kids today grow up a lot faster than I did back in the 1930's, but still...(I care too much. IS THAT A CRIME??) Fantastic Slattery acting when Roger Sterling who doesn't give a shit about anything suddenly gives a giant shit about doing business with the Japanese. The wacky Honda commercial fake-out caper that followed is a prime example of this show's genius at transitioning effortlessly from the horrible bleakness of it's characters personal lives to a bit of business that makes you cheer for what is really another hollow triumph for Don Draper.
CC: I *hate* that new secretary. I think that whole plotline is stupid. It was funny the first time she showed up and now I'm totally over it. We don't need this comic relief. We've got Pete Campbell flailing around in a twitchy and hilarious manner no matter what he's doing, we don't need all this forced nonsense about some dinosaur secretary that Joan would NEVER HAVE PUT ON THAT DESK IN THE FIRST PLACE because Joan is a fucking PROFESSIONAL and wants the office to RUN WELL. There's a middle ground where the woman is old and married and Don won't bang her but she can at least work a goddamn phone. That being said, I was informed today that Secretary Dinosaur is in fact the woman who played the Karate Kid's mom. Therefore, all is forgiven.

Rachel Zoe
JB: The ghost of Taylor the sullen, supposedly sample-stealing stylist is haunting this season like a...um...ghost. She may be a much-missed presence but her bad attitude lingers on. Look at the A-list clients RZ finally persuaded to appear on camera with her. Demi Moore acted like she was at a funeral and Gwen Stefani's face was a mask of disdain. But you know who really doesn't like RZ? Her husband, the Forty Year-old Justin Bieber. He did what no-one on a Bravo show has ever dared do: he expressed weariness at being surrounded by a fawning gay entourage. He gave voice to his fears that his wife is on a fast track to ending up a barren, fashion-addled idiot. The cracks in Rachel's sham marriage would have been the highlight of last week had Naomi Campbell not made an appearance. She referred to assistant Brad as Brian, she made Rachel quake in her boots, her accent had fifty passport stamps on it and there was not a moment when she didn't seem like she was about to go berserk. Why does she not have a reality show of her own? Hello? Bravo?

Scream Queens
JB: Should not have axed Carly. Carly ate raw meat. The real boogeyman in this show is John Homa. What a grizzled hack. I went on his website. The two most glowing testimonials? Taylor Momsen and Eric Balfour aka always the worst things on every show they're on.
CC: I will defend John Homa to the death. That guy is awesome. He got all of them (well, most of them) to cry last week! Come on! That shit is RIVETING to watch! Are you kidding me? I love him. He's the best part of the show. You know, aside from horrible insane bitches having to scream while maggots fall into their mouths as their dreams get crushed every two minutes because everything that happens in that house is one big actress mindfuck. I mean, only giving TWO makeovers? That's genius. That makes everyone else happy, because yay, that means I already look good, but also paranoid, because oh no, what if they make them look good, and that's not even the start of it for the girls who actually have to go through it. I LOVE THIS PROGRAM. Jessica's gonna win, and like last season, we knew that from the very first episode.

Jersey Shore
JB: "Ronnie turns into a different person when he's drunk". Yeah, he turns into a RAGING COKE FIEND. I didn't realize when they set up the Ronnie/Sammi split back in the stupid live reunion show that we'd be getting a season that was all Ronnie/Sammi all the time. With this cast? With these personalities? That's your main story? And the stuff about Sammi briefly quitting the show after another big bust-up with Ronnie? They were back filming in Jersey when that went down so we've got MONTHS of this shit to come.
CC: Did you read that article about The Situation possibly making 5 million dollars from all his endorsements and whatnot? Yeah. That's happening.

X Factor
JB: It's back! And, in it's wake, a controversy that Cowell is secretly auto-tuning favored contestants which has become the UK press's own Ground Zero mosque. From episode one, a performance that made it into the next round: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cXxooHiaug
CC: Um, okay. Wow. That...okay, this makes me feel vaguely like when I first heard of Two Girls One Cup or people who get off on videos of kittens being crushed to death with a stiletto heel. It's like, "What? Who would-- why would-- what? Who would invent that? Why would anyone invent that? Why would someone invent that and then other people enjoy that?" And yet, OF COURSE somebody would. It's a big world out there and everything out there that you have heard of or not heard of, someone else has heard of it and likes it. Anyway, so, congrats, Shirlena. Why not.

The Big C
JB: Someone should make an Expendables out of all these Showtime quirky-moms-with-problems half-hours. Laura Linney has cancer and she's never felt so alive! Mary-Louise Parker is a happy homemaker who deals pot on the side...or is it the other way round? Edie Falco is a pill-popping nurse. Toni Collette has multiple personality disorder. Together they're out for vengeance!
CC: Everyone I know refers to this show as "The C Word" either accidentally or on purpose. Seems about right.

Vampire Diaries
JB: Just begun to shovel my way through this. More to say in coming weeks. For now, I have this observation:
Stefan: Katherine had this amazing laugh. You wanted to make her laugh just to hear it.
Cut to:
Katherine (laughing): Sneee-heee-heee-snort...
CC: JB, you've got a lot to look forward to. See my previous (months ago) comment about how the storylines on this show end up being positively Spartacan in ludicrosity. Just you wait. Did you see the trailer for this upcoming season? Insane. [THERE WAS THIS OTHER SENTENCE HERE BUT I ERASED IT CUZ I REALIZED IT WAS A SPOILER FOR YOU.]

1 comment:

Mad Men Girl said...

Hey!

I've entered a contest to win a walk-on role on that retro-licious TV show, "Mad Men".

If you wouldn't mind taking a couple of seconds to vote for me, go to my blog, or copy and paste the following link which goes right to my picture:

http://madmencastingcall.amctv.com/browse/detail/EZ3MBH

Thanks a bunch!