Monday, February 1, 2010

TV Club: Different From The Onion's TV Club And Slate's TV Club In Many Ways

And we're back! Is it funnier here or at You decide!
JB: Okay, this may have been fan fiction paid for by breaking into a change jar but, in many ways, it was more satisfying than either the Buffy or Angel finales. The six of us watching got what we wanted. Topher fixed the world he broke. DeWitt got a garden to look look after. Sierra and the Beyond Thunderdome Victor had a cute kid and wound up more or less together. Dushku got to salvage her battered reputation with that big post-Ballard breakdown scene. The thing with Echo downloading him was a fittingly romantic climax until you thought about it for more than three seconds. Then weird. And the abrupt way Fox cut the last seconds of the final scene was perfect. It was like they were saying "Happy now, geeks? You got to see your little show through to the end. Now fuck off." I can't think of another example of a more ill-conceived idea that made it harder to be a fan that so completely turned itself around. I'll miss it.
CC: Almost cried. Joss does tend to nail his last episodes, doesn't he? Loved Alpha suddenly being good. Agreed on Dushku's breakdown scene. Loved that shit with the little jump drives around people's necks. Bye, Dollhouse! Looking forward to seeing whatever all these people are gonna do next (I kind of stalk the Whedonverse). Unless it's V. Morena Baccarin and Alan Tudyk? Couldn't save V.
JB: Hello NBC. Can I suggest the services of my client Olivia Williams for your sure-to-be- shitty remake of Prime Suspect. She won't save it sucking but she'll add a little class.

American Idol
JB: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Which is to say, I may have spearheaded the massively successful Send Katy Perry A Turd And Win A Pen campaign but I respect her urge to smack Kara around.

Project Runway
JB: The Salem witch trials displayed more mercy and compassion than Ping Wu received during this episode. She got the Crazy Lady edit. She got the Headless Chicken edit. Her challenge partner got the Patience Of A Saint edit even as he was miming punching her face. Even her model grabbed the chance to shank Ping Wu in the kidney during an `Et tu, model?' moment that would have earned anyone else a `know your role and shut your mouth' rebuke.(See the Models Of The Runway fate of Sophia who committed the cardinal sin of being `difficult') Now that she's gone, I'm thinking the brittle and devious Mila Heramanovski (or, as I like to call her, Old Bob. The super-hot Maya Luz being Young Bob) will rise as the embodiment of evil. That second challenge, by the way? Knock off a cheap copy of your rivals' designs. Did that make any sense? I've got a feeling that might have been a No-One Realized The Producer Was Joking moment.
CC: Aaaaand we're back to train wrecks. Whatever that thing was where the cheap version looked BETTER than the expensive version and either way they were both boring black minidress/vest things? Ugh. Once again, the judges were on drugs (WHY did they think that and pants thing...WHY was that good?). And with the loss of BOTH Ping and then Sophia off Models this week, they killed my fantasy crazy-asian-off in one fell swoop! Awww.

Models Of The Runway
JB: First Ping, then Sophia! It wasn't an Asian-off, it was an Asian-auf! (In the unlikely event I ever get an audio book, I'm hiring that Irish girl to do the reading. That voice. Like a light shower on a spring day. Imagine her reading that.)

The Inbetweeners
JB:I've already seen both seasons of this semi-likeable attempt at a UK American Pie.( I wonder if they ever thought of calling it Shepherd's Pie? Very funny joke.) BBC America just started showing it and I wanted to see the first episode to find out how much of the non-stop sweariness survived. Fuck, obviously, is a no-no. Shit is a yes. So is wanker. So is bollocks. So is vag. Cock is a negative. So is dick. You may ask how you can have bollocks without cock and dick but that is for smarter minds than mine. (Whedonverse connection: Anthony Head's daughter is the love interest)

Life Unexpected
JB: I think my heart shrunk two sizes during this. Second episodes are notoriously disappointing but what we were served up here was particularly desperate. New mom's radio station force her to read a statement denying she's got a daughter. Orphan's rag-tag crew of fellow orphans feel threatened and jealous of her new home. I didn't tear up once. Well, maybe once. But it was right at the end. (One thing rang true, though. The bit where Beer Pong Dad was being criticized for being irresponsible because he broke his smoke alarm rather than change the battery. I've done that twice in the last month.)
CC: Yeah, I had a problem with how NOT rag-taggy the rag-tag crew was. I know this is the CW and they have to cast pretty people and whatever, but seriously, those street kids were about as street as Jason Street (old school FNL shoutout!). By the way, I own that black and gray flannel dress the one girl was holding up in that one scene, so apparently Lux and I both shop at Urban Outfitters. This probably says more about me than it does about her, being as how she's a fictional teenager whereas I am a nonfictional grown woman who apparently wears the same clothes as a fictional teenager.

Friday Night Lights
JB: The Matt Saracen Broken Silver Cup Of Suffering And Pain was officially passed down to Luke Cafferty this week. (Along with a Chicago cameo from Zach Gilford to confirm that, yes, our boy is still miserable). Like ripples from a pebble, Luke spread unhappiness across Dillon. He kept quiet about his injury but was so insistent on playing, he developed an addiction to Oxycontin. His temporary impregnation of Becky turned his mother into an avenging angel who might end up costing Tami her job and making her a local pariah. Quick question about the underwritten Landry/Jess/Vince triangle. It may seem that Landry is Jess's fun high school fling while Vince, always one step away a life of crime, is the one she really understands. I know the writers want us to forget this but LANDRY KILLED SOMEONE.
CC: LOL. Good lord, he did, didn't he. I think we *all* wanna forget that season. I'm super mad at Luke's mom, by the way. Don't fuck with Mrs. Coach!

JB: Syfy might be missing an opportunity to expand this show's reach beyond the disgruntled BSG hardcore. I'm not sure enough people are aware that Caprica is about a teenage girl who wakes up inside the body of a huge clanking robot. Doesn't every teenage girl have at least a moment when they feel exactly like that? Come on, YA community! Why didn't any of us think of it? (Actually,there might be hundreds of robot chick titles out there. I'm way too depressed to go anywhere near the Barnes & Noble Young Adult section) The audience that Syfy isn't courting would also flip out over the way the girl/inside robot predicament is visualized. One second you see techies welding and hammering away at a giant hunk of metal, the next they're doing the same thing to a 15 year-old girl (or, to be exact, avatar/ essence of girl hybrid). And when the girl reaches out to her best friend for a comforting hug, you see these big giant girders stretching out. I'm telling you. Syfy, sell the robot girl to teens and they'll stay for the religious allegories or, at least, they'll fast forward through them like me. (Also, Jason Street, mentioned above, showed up this week as part of Polly Walker's weirdo group marriage)

America's Best Dance Crew
CC: Eh. So far.
JB: The good news: they replaced Shane Spolanski ( though Hok should have got the full- time gig over Omarion who starts at a disadvantage with me because his new record is called Ollusion) The bad news: Jay Z didn't destroy Lil Mama's career.

Vampire Diaries
CC: Is EVERYONE on this show a vampire? Apparently yes. I was kind of delighted to see Sean Faris, by the way, although I have no idea why because I had to imdb him to see what I knew him from. I hope Nina Dobrev is stocking up on the sunscreen, because those costume designers are obsessed with putting her in super low-cut tank tops. They always casual it up by throwing a jacket over it, but giant swathes of her skin are still out, and I fear for her chestal area in a couple of years if this keeps up.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand
CC: Okay, I have no idea what is going on in this show because let me give you a short example of what is going on in this show: Lucy Lawless and her husband are walking around their old-timey roman house or whatever, being followed by servants, having some sort of convo about, like, the weather and, I dunno, roman politics, who fucking knows, I couldn't pay attention because then they go to their bedroom and their servants start undressing them and you figure they're going to go to sleep, but then Mr. Lawless gets naked and one of the servant girls starts blowing him and then they cut back to Lucy Lawless and she's getting fingered by another servant girl and then she and Mr. Lawless fuck in front of the servants and the entire time, I'm pretty sure they're still talking about roman politics or whatever, but I couldn't really pay attention because I was too busy yelling "WHAT?!" at the screen, and then oh yeah, in the next scene, Spartacus is hanging with a bunch of other gladiator dudes and everyone's dick is out. If you want male full frontal nudity, this is your show. If you want to hear someone swear by saying "Jupiter's cock!" this is your show. Even if you want neither of those things, this is still your show, because THIS SHOW IS HILARIOUS AND I WILL WATCH EVERY EPISODE.
JB: The gladiator boss enjoying executive relief from his slave? Glasgow's own John Hannah. The first ex-Dollhouse employee to find gainful employment? The guy who co- wrote the finale and most of the best of this season. He's this show's script editor.

Jersey Shore "Before the Shore"
CC: Everyone catch this special with footage from their casting videos? It was pretty much what you'd expect, with one glaring exception: Sammi. Her pre-show footage was much more traditionally guidette, in line with Snooki's and JWoww's and Angelina's, in the sense that it was all about her showing off how she gets ready to go out to the club, you know, here's my makeup, here's my skanky outfits, here's my hair extensions, everyone thinks I'm hot, they call me Sweetheart but I'm really a bitch, blah blah, I'm lookin' fine and I'm taking all the other girls down, oh my god, Jersey Shore, you aren't even ready for the hotness that is me. And then she actually gets there and becomes that sullen, surly, glasses-wearing, I'm-gonna-date-Ronnie-but-pick-random-fights-with-him-every-five-seconds-don't-you-dare-call-me-Flintstone-toe drama queen. It's kind of fascinating. No wait, it's TOTALLY FASCINATING.

CC: Jon Hamm is fucking funny. End of story. Also, I kind of love that he's not particularly buff under that suit. Wait, no, I totally love it. Jon Hamm for president of the universe!
JB: I could have watched 90 minutes of Jon Hamm playing Don Draper in hilarious TV situations. I could have watched about one more minute of Hamm and Buble.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I see what Cherry means about Nina's vest tops.