Monday, December 14, 2009

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like TV Club!

As long as there's TV, there'll be people to watch it and make uninformed comments. Like this (which, of course, you can also read at


JB: Way too late to be this awesome. If the first of this week's episodes had been the actual series pilot, we probably wouldn't be sitting through this deathbed vigil. It moved like a bastard, it totally invested us in Echo and it gave us something to root for: bringing down the Dollhouse. Dushku's taken a lot of lumps for consistently being the weakest link in her own show. Playing passive is not her thing but this last batch of shows is going a long way to wiping the stain from her name. I'm getting a last-days-of Angel vibe: that show flopped around like a dead fish for at least a season and a half--I blame Kartheiser-- but then revived and depussified Spike, turned Fred into Illyria and enjoyed a fantastic final run. Time capsule moment: Alan Tudyk's delivery of "Also, Python!"
CC: Time capsule moment: Alan Tudyk doing anything, ever. Aaaaaahhhh. It's a Firefly-lover's dream, these Alpha appearances. Also, um, Tahmoh with his shirt off. Is not a bad way to spend some TV time. Kartheiser totally redeemed himself with Pete Campbell, by the way. And Angel's revival most certainly includes the muppet episode, which I am saying just because I want everyone to know that I have Muppet Vamp Angel sitting on my couch at work. Oh! I loved when they exploded that guy. I literally said a delighted "Wow!" when they exploded that guy.

Jersey Shore

JB: No drop-off in quality whatsoever. Angelina's early exit hurts but is mitigated by the brief introduction of her best friends Alana and Elena (Girls picking similarly named friends: is this becoming a thing? Discuss). The Situation eulogizjng her a as a half-ass firecracker ("She fizzled out real quick!"). Schnoopy and her friend Ryder: worst party girls ever! Schnoops getting sloppy in the hot tub. Eating a pickle. ("She's like a whole other level with pickles'). Sammi and Ronny getting romantic on the mini-golf course. The Situation acting like a whiny bitch around them. Ronnie's sensational dancefloor moves. ("I don't know where I get it from!"). It's amazing to think that The Hills squeezed something like six seasons out of "Is Heidi gonna be there?", while this thing is just bubbling over with stuff. And next week: face punch!
CC: Ah, but NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Say it with me, because this next piece of info is going to have you tearing your hair out in horror: apparently because of complaints or whatever, they pulled the face-punching thing. Seriously. Read about it here:

So You Think You Can Dance

JB: My interest faded over the past few weeks, but the semis were like a mini-movie. They had:
Sex: I can't believe no one on that panel screamed,"Kathryn, that was cha-cha-chanatstic!" So I'll do it. She was hot, bendy and agile. There's no higher praise.
More Sex: These last few shows Cat's looked like she's just rolled out of bed. She was especially giggly and gropey this week.
Violence: Wow, Travis Wall, you came up with that idea about married assassins assigned to kill each other all by yourself? Fun routine and knowing how squirrely Fox is about the delicate sensibilities of their tiny tot audience, I'm surprised it got on the air.
Sabotage: NappyTab must have dug deep in their magic box of terrible ideas to dredge up a routine that would effectively destroy the momentum the Mr & Mrs Smith dance gave Legenore. That alien number was like something you'd see outside a mall.
Heartbreak: Ashleigh--who's Been Through So Much And Has Come So Close-- hurts her arm and can't dance.
Sacrifice: Ryan begs America to vote for his one-armed wife.
Crushed Dreams: Mollee flames out. And gets kicked while she's down TWICE! Before her exit, there was this incredible moment where Shankman tried to console her for being in the bottom two by explaining that America had stopped loving her and then seguing into a celebration of Kathryn and the great night she was having and how she was the new Jeanine. Totally oblivious to the effect he was having on Mollee.
Triumph: America votes for Ashleigh. A married couple will dance at the finals!
CC: That cha-cha, while being fairly light on the actual cha-cha, was the hottest ballroom they've had since season 3 Lacey/Danny samba. I watched that thing like a zillion times. Kathryn was sexy and sassy, Ryan was of course partnering like nobody's business, and that final pose ruled. I heart Legacy but was one of the people he lost evvvvver-so-slightly with the phone thing (I voted for Kathryn because I was worried about her being in the bottom 2 from before), so when Ryan made it through instead of him, instead of going "He WUZ ROBBED!" I was more like "He was perhaps maybe a tad bit burgled hey now we get to see Ryan and Ashleigh dance together." That NappyTabs hip-hop was a travesty. That Korean girlpop group was a SUPERtravesty (also, I have been informed that Korean girlpop groups are essentially, for really. Can anyone confirm or deny?). Santa Russell with bear was the cutest thing ever.
JB: Wait, you're implying new K-pop sensation HAM are underage sex workers? That's a serious allegation. (Yes, HAM: )

Friday Night Lights

JB: If there's one thing Friday Night Lights is good at, it's goodbyes. The farewells to Smash and, especially, Street, were both killers. This one felt a little off. Despite the show trying to rewrite history, Matt wasn't staying in Dillon for Julie, he was doing it for his grandma. And we shouldn't have been denied an awkward, mumbling goodbye before he drove off. Same with our last look at Lyla Garrity. Nice to see her ride the bull but we've already watched them go separate ways. Funny how Tyra never even got a goodbye scene yet she's still messing up Landry's love life. Best line of the night? Riggins: "Shut up, Becky"
CC: Yeah, I expected to be TOTALLY WRECKED by Saracen leaving, and I kind of was, and it was almost nice to not be as totally wrecked as last week because my god, last week, still digging out from all that wreckage, but...yeah, they coulda done a more openly "we are gonna fuck with your emotions" job with it. I too was tripped up a little by the retcon issues re: grandma/Julie, and Lyla coming back and hooking up with Riggins and then leaving again was just...well, let's face it, all I can picture now re: Minka Kelly is Jeter. But Secret Gay Coach is rapidly becoming the best thing ever, and if I could have J.D. McCoy in front of me right now so that I could crush his skull with a rock, it would be a happy holiday season indeed.


JB: Racing to the end of all it's terrible storylines before the four-month hiatus which, I pray, will cure me of my belated infatuation with this rubbish. If nothing else, please come up with some sort of character for the black girl beyond her pointing out that she's black.
CC: I don't know about Mr. Schue and Cute Redhead getting together because I'm not too into Cute Redhead getting together with that level of smarm (seriously...what happened to that guy since the pilot?). Also, the big solo ballad had to be Don't Rain On My Parade? Lea Michele blew it out, obviously, but...really? REALLY? That said, I'm still gonna freak in a fangirly fashion over Idina Menzel (IDINA FUCKING MENZEL!!!) joining the cast this spring. Also, full disclosure, I met Puck at a party and he is SUPER nice and smoking hot. I would flip out more about this but I'm trying very hard to be Hollywood-jaded and chill.

Saturday Night Live

JB: Damn you, Lautner, I had money riding on you taking your shirt off within the first five seconds. Not only did you let me down, you did a.. sort of okay job. Plus you were a good sport during the Twilight sketch which almost veered into fan-mocking territory but pussied out. My second favorite Taylor hosting job of the season. Unless they can nail down that elusive Taylor Dayne booking. (Replace with the Taylor reference of your choice)
CC: How about...COACH TAYLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D And Mrs. Coach! That would rule. By the way, did not realize Lautner could do all those flips and such. Let's get him together with Legacy, LXD, and Quest and make this fantasy flip-off of mine happen.

Dogs 101
CC: There was an episode all about puppies this week. The whole thing was footage of puppies running around doing stuff. As you can imagine, this necessitated a lot of yelling at the TV, things like "What?!" and "SHUT. UP." and "OH MY GOD" and "What the FUCK?!" Yes, cuteness creates anger and swearing sometimes. These are facts.
JB: I'm half-surprised someone hasn't made a Cute Overload TV show. And half-grateful.
CC: I would watch that show.

Top Chef
CC: It was one of those things where I totally didn't think I cared who won until the moment RIGHT BEFORE they announced which Voltaggio it was gonna be, when I found myself suddenly rooting very, VERY hard for Bryan. Awww. Oh well. Michael's reaction was cute, so there's that. Like, of course they gave it to the brash tatted-up guy who makes better TV,, Bryan! Okay, I'm over it.

X- Factor

JB: Here's the winning kid duetting with George Michael. After that, I will provide moist towelettes because you will feel soiled.
CC: Okay. So that kid is basically like they took those freak twins who got booted a few weeks back and crossed them with Taylor Lautner. Which means that somebody definitely got wolfsexed backstage after the show. That person was George Michael.

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