Sunday, December 20, 2009

I Saw Mommy Kissing TV Club!

For the last time this decade...TV Club! (Available, as ever, for simultaneous viewing at

So You Think You Can Dance
CC: HOLY. SHIT. THAT WAS RIVETING. I'm typing this right after the very end of the very last show. Which was CCCRRAAAZZZZYYY. Way to bring the dramz, live television! OK, backtracking now to the performance show, which was the best finale in years! It ranged from damn good to *awesome*. LOVED Ellenore in that Fosse-ish broadway thing (that girl had herself a NIGHT-- she kicked ass in that weirdo robot jazz thing as well). LOVED Russell in that angel-y thing with Ashleigh. Jakob was just ridiculously, effortlessly great as usual; LOVED him and Kathryn dancing to that fucking Family Ties song, of all things. And good lord, if that Ryan/Ashleigh number by Travis did not practically kill me-- Ryan cried, Ashleigh cried, I cried-- well, no, I didn't, but I was close. I WAS FUCKING CLOSE! Aaaaa! And Russell KILLED that last hip-hop. Great finale. GREAT FINALE! And then, the results show? HOLY SHIT! Russell hurting his leg and limping on stage and everything getting all fucked up and them having to run old clips cuz he couldn't dance, and then him WINNING? And his REACTION? Gold. Television gold. SO HAPPY FOR HIM! I hope his leg is okay. Cuz you KNOW when he won that the adrenaline just fucking took over so hopefully, whatever was wrong with it, he didn't make it worse in those few minutes. His girlfriend's a lucky fucking woman, by the way. YAY, RUSSELL! RUSSELL WINNING FTW! :DDDDDDDDD
JB: What she said but substitute Vicodin for adrenaline. Let's think about that Tuesday show for a minute. Six dancers instead of four. One hour instead of two. No solos. No special all-boy or all-girl routines. No video packages. Despite that, it was fantastic and so memorable that two of the dances turned up in the next night's Greatest Hits of The Season. And they both featured Kathryn who rose like a hot phoenix over the last few weeks. Russell's arc was like something out of a movie. Lythgoe relentlessly sells him as the krumper from the wrong side of B'more who overcomes the odds and then at the last minute he's struck down by a freak injury but limps to victory. Incredible end to what started as a shakey series. Which presents my double citizenship viewing ass with a dilemma. I'm on record as saying they came back too soon after summer but SYTYCD-UK premieres on the BBC in three weeks. With Lythgoe, with Cat, with Mia Michaels and, apparently, Victoria Beckham. I'm not going to do it. I shouldn't do it. I probably won't do it. I'm gonna do it!!

The Sing-Off
CC: I like a cappella. But I hate this show.
JB: I tried to fill my aching Glee-hole with The Sing-Off. I didn't hate it as much as you but if there's really an acapella upsurge sweeping the nation this show is going to kill it stone dead. It confirms every preconceived notion about people who join vocal groups. It's not so much that they're massive dorks. It's not their sweater vests or their enthusiasm. It's that they love singing BUT THEY HATE SONGS! Which is why they slaughter them with those stupid babababadadada arrangements. Oh and, nice nervous laugh, Nicole Pussycat Doll.

Jersey Shore
CC: There are no words, so here are some words: Pauly D and the fattie. Pauly D and the grenade. Pauly D and whatever the fuck must be on his hands after beating up the beat. Also, Snooki's mom should never have smushed with Snooki's dad, and whatever the answer to Ronnie's equation is, it's wrong.
JB: Chill out, Freckles McGee. Like Sammi and Ronnie, I'm still in the honeymoon stage in my relationship with the J-Shore. Everything everybody did was insane: Snookie clearing the cobwebs with her dancefloor backflips. Any time we get to spend at The Shore Store. The duck phone! (It never gets old!) Ronnie's attempts to hide the Italian sausage while grilling Sammi about the cop. The bitchfaced blonde cockblocker who whined her friend out of The Situations's bed. Which lead me to the shocking conclusion that The Situation is not a closer. He can lure guidettes back to the house. He can get them into the filthy hot tub. But he can't close the deal. Either they're too grossed out, they come to their senses or a girlfriend drags them away for their own good. And the non-showing of The Punch Heard Around Around The World? MTV gets to have it's fist-shaped cake and eat it.

Friday Night Lights
CC: I love Tink. I love Mrs. Coach's perfect reaction to every situation. I love Riggy talking to Skeeter the dog. I love Riggy telling that guy he fucked his wife and then beating the shit out of him. I love that Coach is gonna make a gun disappear. I love Landry's list of reasons to go out with him, complete with bailing on the end of it and just saying go out with me. I love this show. I hate you if you are not watching it.
JB: I said Oh No out loud four times this week. When Luke Cafferty got injured. When Landry tried to cut the ties with Tyra. When Julie fell to pieces at the Academic Smackdown. And when Glen mouth-raped Tami. And I laughed out loud when Riggins --Riggy? Really?-- described Becky's mom as a disgruntled redhead.

JB: The fake-out at the start of the attic episode was better than the whole of Avatar. What was left of my mind after something like an entire season's worth of revelations crammed into forty minutes was blown by DeWitt and the whole we're-putting-a-team-together bit at the end. And let's take a second to acknowledge the awards and career opportunities that won't be coming Olivia Williams' way. She has just DESTROYED in these episodes. She's gone from drunken self-loathing to icy backstabber to engineer of the rebellion. I hate that there's only three episodes left but my expectations for all three are through the roof. (And, yes, Enver Gjokaj was fighting his own real-life twin brother!)
CC: HIVE MIND! HIVE MIND! HIVE MIND! Is what was going through my head when it was clear that those soldiers were about to, well, hive mind Victor (um...nice shirtless work by the way). I kind of love drunk Adelle. I definitely love badass let's-gather-everyone-in-my-office-and-fucking-DO-THIS-THING Adelle. I love Victor and Sierra, 2together 4-EVA, no matter what else is going on. Awww, hearts! And of course loooooved the insider line about it being 2010 and how long have we been off the air. Good times, Joss. Good times. *sniff* Cuz you will be off the air soon. Waaaahhh! And Enver's twin...RIGHT? What's up with Joss and twins? Remember the Evil Xander episode where they used Nicholas Brendon's real life twin? What's next? Are you gonna tell me that somewhere out there is a dude who looks just like Tahmoh Penikett but is, like, a librarian or something? Cuz I could get into that. And imagine two Summer Glaus, fanboys. *runs to avoid pieces of fanboy skull flying everywhere as their heads explode*

Saturday Night Live
JB: Nothing worth taking my finger off FF (What Up With That might be wearing out it's welcome a wee bit) but this week gets a pass for James Franco's monologue, especially when he named a fake film and the crowd applauded.
CC: I was delighted to see the return of Lawrence Welk and Kristin Wiig's tinyhands. And I would be lying my fucking face off if I said I didn't enjoy that Jersey Shore thing, since everything having to do with Jersey Shore in any way, shape, or form = gold.

Gossip Girl
JB: Haven't watched in a while but now I'm all caught up with Season 3...of The O.C! Which is totally what this is. The buzz has gone and nothing works. College is the kiss of death for this type of show. Leighton Meester works harder than anyone else on GG but having her scheming to be queen of NYU just makes her look like she's playing the drag queen version of herself. That's not the only bad idea. Serena working for a publicist. Hilary Duff. Eric Vs Little J. Congressman Tripp. The ghost of Bart. Chuck as the moral compass of the Upper East Side( It's not that I don't believe the character can't change but Ed Westwick looks like a murderer). And Jessica Szohr(sp?) must have pissed off a lot of hair, make-up and wardrobe people because she is one hot Jewess and they've made her look like total shit.
CC: OK, but, but, but...Chuck and Blair are still wearing FABULOUS OUTFITS! :D No? Not enough? OK.

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