Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Best Week Ever!

Here's how it went down, with due deference to Owen Wilson's amazing rat-tat-tat narration that ever so briefly energized the sludge of Marley & Me: watched download of The Thick Of It( never covered in T-Club but incredible)- screen went black- went to Genius Bar-- Powerbook battery dead-- Genius revived it in store--took it home--screen went black--made sandwich--broke front teeth--went to dentist-- oh how he laughed-- yesterday (Tuesday)endured bloody extraction-- he made me promise I'd get multi-million dollar Wolverine-style titanium implants--I was on antibiotics, would have agreed to anything-- went to Apple Store--hovered over Macbooks--persuasive snakeoil salesman bamboozled me into purchasing 13" as well as useless iWork and One onOne-- took Macbook home--couldn't get or send email--couldn't download music, TV or movies, which is to say, could not admit air to my lungs-- also couldn't connect to external hard drive-- next day (today, Wednesday)--returned to Apple Store--queried friendly genius about email, external hard drive, bit torrenting-- he had answers to all my problems, also helped me with transferring old data from expired powerbook to new Macbook, even charged dying battery-- while it was charging, went to lunch at Farmer's Market-- delightful halibut--pigeons swooped on me while I ate-- returned to Apple Store retrieved recharged battery-- went home-- email receiving but not sending-- pressed T for ten minutes but firewire unable to transfer data between computers--returned to Genius Bar--formerly friendly Genius looked through me like I was made of glass--no appointment=no identity--approached a Genius shorter than me, bamboozled HIM into checking on my email which, of course worked fine IN THE STORE!!!-- also checked my firewire connection by pressing T for two seconds-- worked fine IN THE STORE!!!-- but instead of letting the data transfer continue, he was so scared of being seen talking to a no-appointment intruder that he broke the connection-- returned to Farmers Market to carry on data transfer--pressed T for ten minutes--NOTHING HAPPENED!!!-- lovely young Asian couple sitting at next table, considered asking them for help, considered the possibility they might see it as racial sterotyping-- trudged home-- did I mention I don't drive?(not important)--called cab--drove to MacEnthusiasts on Pico Boulevard-- the first guy I talk to tells me the Powerbook needs to be completely taken apart and rebuilt: "We're looking at around $180.00"--at the start of the day I would have nodded and handed him the lube-- not anymore-- "I'm not sure it needs to be completely taken apart and reassembled. I think the fault may lie in the way I pressed T"-- the Enthusiast gave the you-know-nothing raised eyebrow and directed me to a charming young Enthusiast whose name, I think, was Jasmine and who, unbelievably, was more technically inept than me--Jasmine not only did not know which holes to stick the firewire into, she wasn't sure how to press T-- Enthusiast Jasmine invited me around to the professional's side of the counter-- while I rebuffed panicked customers, she returned with the Ultimate Enthusiast, a guy who was born to say `Move' as he elbowed idiots like me out of the way--The Ultimate Enthusiast did not think my powerbook needed to be re-assembled at a cost of $180.00-- The Ultimate Enthusiast installed a program that transferred all my data.--The computer screen estimated the time of transfer at around an hour-- I went out to to tell the waiting cabdriver to come back and pick me up in an hour--when i returned to the store, the transfer was done-- "how much do I owe you?" I ask Jasmine, who seemed much happier playing with her tiny crate-trained dog than re-assembling hard drives-- she declines to charge me-- I resist the urge to rub this in the face of the shifty first Enthusiast-- leave store--call cab--drive home savoring delicious tang of victory(even though recovered data doesn't amount to much more than a few Howard Stern shows and some pictures of dogs leaping in the air, which I should have showed Jasmine, we were totally hitting it off)-- delicious tang of victory dissipates when driver pulls up outside my house and I put my hand in what turns out to be an empty pocket--damn that delicious Halibut lunch

1 comment:

James Greer said...

I recommend a healthy dose of Uncle Joe's Mint Balls.