Saturday Night Live
JB: How did we end up with Obama? He's useless. He brings nothing to the job. There's no way he deserves a second term. Armisen's Obama, I mean. Not the other one.
CC: I'm sorry, but during that last sketch I totally freaked out for half a second because the spine of one of the books (it was actually a whole bunch of 'em in a row) behind Drew Barrymore's head totally looked like the spine of my book She's So Money (yellow with slanty purple title). Upon closer inspection, it was not She's So Money. Upon CLOSER inspection + minor research it appeared to be a book that doesn't exist. Also, one of the other books looked like North of Beautiful by Justina Chen Headley, but then it wasn't. WHAT'S UP WITH THIS? Were those real books? Were they fake books that the prop guys just made to look like real books? I wasn't looking for it, I swear, but you just get attuned to your own books, or books you know, like you get attuned to hearing your own name out of background noise. I'm pretty sure I saw a bizarro Twilight in there. Jonathan, did you see Hottie? OK, I'm gonna stop talking about this. :)
JB: First Joan, now Sal! Who's next to wind up trapped in their own personal hell? Could well be Don. Brunettes are kryptonite to Don Draper and this new one is right there in his own neighborhood. Once he tries to kick her to the curb, she's going to bring the pain straight to Betty's front door.
CC: This is my first season watching and I progressed VERY quickly to the yelling-at-the-screen phase of viewership. Which is good.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
JB: First dud of the season. Larry Vs The World always works better than Asshole Larry and this was all Asshole Larry. Here's what rubbed me the wrong way: Asshole Larry picking a fight with his shorts-wearing neighbor in First Class. That's a rich man's problem, LD. The rest of us pack light and wear as little as we can so we can get through security in under an hour.
JB: How did I end up so fixated on Assistant Taylor? She's sullen, selfish, unpleasant, moody, insensitive to the feelings of others, unable to take even the mildest of jokes against herself, socially awkward, desperate for recognition of her own talents, self-absorbed and contemptuous of all those around her. I hate people like that....I'M EXACTLY LIKE THAT! I die for a spin-off.
CC: I have nothing to add, because you just killed it. You shut it down.
JB: Am I the only one who thinks this is probably the first time Rodger has had his hands anywhere near his wife's business. If you know what I'm saying...
CC: I love Brad.
CC: I love Brad.
Dancing With The Stars
JB: Uh, wasn't Mya a dancer long before her mediocre r&b career? Wasn't she on Broadway. Isn't she in the movie version of Chicago? Doesn't she have years more experience than Dmitry? Stop lying to me, TV!
CC: Seriously. Mya FTW already. This show, more than any other, you can call in the first week. LOVE YOU DMITRY! Also, Shakira, please gain the weight back. I prefer hearing about your hips that do not lie when you actually have hips.
JB: Yeah, why doesn't SHE WOLF down some tasty fried plantains? Ha ha! (I'll get my coat...)
JB: Simon Cowell's British show is better than American Idol in almost every way. Higher production values, smarter format, far more brutal inter-judge bitching. There's just one area where it falls a little bit short:
That's right. The singers are all shit.
CC: Oh my god. I stopped watching that youtube after four seconds.
JB: No wonder Leona Lewis got punched in the head. Which I found reprehensible and didn't laugh at. Not even for a minute. Okay, maybe just a minute
CC: This is cycle, like, 300, so I really have NO IDEA why by now, the girls don't realize that getting back from go-sees on time matters way more than how many you go to. You might as well just do one and then go back, because if you come back late, you get CREDIT FOR ZERO. Jesus.
CC: Voltaggios. Blond chick. Top three. The end.
CC: If Boston krump guy doesn't make it to the top 20, I will shoot someone in the face. By the way, is it me or did he fully say he DID have training during the audition rounds, and tonight he said he didn't? Weird edit? Are they giving him the Joshua "oh I'm so untrained even though I just did a double pirouette as my happy dance" edit? Whatever. He's still my fave so far, no matter what kind of retcon training shenanigans they are trying to pull.
JB: Totally the Boys Don't Cry edition. Shankman gets verklempt in a Don't-look-at-me-I'm-a-mess-no-keep-looking-at-me way. Legacy responded to my one-trick B-boy accusation with a red-eyed epiphany about wanting to live forever and learn how to fly. A cut guy turns into a slobbering mess and Nigel goes Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever THERE'S NO CRYING IN DANCE SISSY BOY WHY ARE YOU CRYING WHY ARE YOU CRYING WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF?