Saturday, May 30, 2009

And The Award For Most Versatile Actress Goes To...

So I went to see Drag Me To Hell- enjoyed, no complaints whatsoever-- and among the trailers playing  beforehand was one for an evil-kid horror movie called Orphan.

Here's the trailer:

My first thought: looks creepy. My second thought: isn't that Vera Farmiga as the paranoid mom? My third thought: hasn't she made this exact movie before? I think she has! It was called Joshua. Here's the trailer:

What's next? Evil twins?

Monday, May 25, 2009

I Demand A Recount!

I may have been a little premature in submitting my entry to Alexa Young's Worst Review Ever site. Sure, the write-up I  sent her was harsh and dismissive. But, had I been patient, the wonders of Google Alert would have thrown up a Hottie thumbs-down far more curt and wounding.

Now THAT's more like it...

I Get Paid To Watch TV! (Again)

This month's Guardian column. `In Treatment' ( from before it wore me down so much I had to expunge it from the DVR) and `Party Down' which just ended a great first season.

Friday, May 22, 2009

No Boundaries? Nul Points.

If you, like me, watched both the Eurovision Song Contest and the American Idol finale, you may feel like you will never again hear a good song. In the long term, you're probably right. But, for now, here is a good song. It's by Florence And The Machine and it's called `Rabbit Heart(Raise It Up)'.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Hey, How Come You Haven't Been Blogging So Much Recently?

The Cuisinart DLC-105 Pro-Classic 7 Cup Food Processor.

When I deleted The Ultimate Fighter and In Treatment from the DVR, I replaced them with Everyday Italian and Barefoot Contessa.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Remake This, Three!

The song: Criticize
The singer: Alexander O'Neal
The year: 1987
The hook: Undeniable.
The relationship to Contemporary R&B: It sounds exactly like the kind of thing Keri Hilson writes for Timbaland. Except, obviously, A MILLION TIMES BETTER.
The beginning of the video: Ill-advised.
The verdict: TOTALLY REMAKEABLE. Can't believe no-one's jacked that chorus and tried to pass it off as their own work.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Remake This, Too!

Wes Craven's filmography is endlessly remakeable. The Hills Have Eyes. Last House On The Left. Nightmare On Elm Street. There's even talk of reviving Scream. But no-one's rushing to blow the dust off Deadly Friend. It rarely shows up on cable. If it has a rabid cult following, I can't imagine it even reaching double figures. Craven himself refers to it as an embarrassing misfire.

And yet...the story--nerd has crush on cure girl next door, cute girl is killed by bad dad, nerd sticks computer chip in cute girl's corpse reviving her but turning into an unstoppable killing machine--is totally ripe for revival.

Here's the original's most celebrated scene:

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Remake This!

Bond worked. So did Batman. So, it seems, has Star Trek. I'd like to volunteer another wizened slice of pop culture for the reboot treatment. This:

I watched this on the plane the other week. The power-poppy music was completely wrong for the Britney era in which it was released. And as for the stars...Rachael Leigh Cooke and, hard as it is to believe, Tara Reid had both appeared in successful teen movies at the time. But they weren't anywhere near what we have now. They weren't Disney-incubated all-singing, all-dancing, all-wisecracking little multi-media superstars with tween audiences programmed to obediently follow them and their power-poppy athems from small screen to big screen to the iTunes store to the concert stage.

In other words: Hannah Montana, iCarly + either Demi or Selena= ...probably the most unbearable girl group movie all time but unquestionably the most successful. The egos involved might make this an impossibility. But if it ever happens, remember I told you so..

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Two Satisfied Customers

Hottie being enjoyed both by Flat Stanley and a Raleigh, NC high school student named Carter.
Thanks to Carter's teacher, my old friend Jenne Scherer, for the photographic evidence that someone's reading it!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Sticks and Stones

My esteemed colleague in YA-dom, Alexa Young, author of Faketastic and Frenemies, has launched a brutal new website called Worst Review Ever. The title says it all: thick-skinned authors post their most unflattering write-ups for the entertainment of others.

Even though I only have one novel and it's only been available for a month, I still managed to incur a deeply unimpressed review.

Check it out at Alexa's site:

Friday, May 1, 2009

New York Minute

What did I do during my brief stopover in New York?

Reconnected with some old friends.
Made some new-ish friends.
Went to the opening of a new home for Brooklyn's avant-garde( there was a free bar)
Had to choose between seeing `State Of Play' and `Obsessed'. Picked `Obsessed'. Wrong choice.
Felt embarrassed about paying money to see `Obsessed'. Went to see `State Of Play'. Didn't have a dull moment when it was a six-hour BBC miniseries. Has plenty of dull moments at two hours.
Saw Paul Rudd shopping for Moroccan lamps at Chelsea Market.
Had a bizarre interlude at a place called Pelham.
Saw `Mary Stuart' on Broadway. Great performances from powerhouse Brit actresses Janet McTeer and Harriet Walter. Impressively minimal staging using nothing but a brick wall and lighting. But not, if I'm honest, particularly memorable. My theatre companion annoyingly Facebooked friends to let them know where she was. One of them wrote back "Mary Stuart Masterson! What play is she in?"
Met my book agent for the first time. She was very nice and didn't sugarcoat anything with regards to my precarious position as a debuting author. (No-one ever sugarcoats anything for me! I wish, just once, someone would sugarcoat something!)
Watched-- I say watched, I mean didn't look up from my iPhone for the duration of-- a girls' baseball game.
Fell victim, once again, to the Jet Blue Cable Deception. Last time I flew the airline with the excellent legroom and limited cable grid, I sat through an`iCarly' marathon and emerged convinced that the kiddie show was the savior of the traditional laugh-track sitcom. But when I watched it from the comfort of my own couch on a screen slightly larger than a coaster,I was less enthusiastic. I had fallen for a show that eased me though a few hours of a flight and mistaken it for something I would watch under normal circumstances. And, armed with that knowledge, I proceeded to make the same mistake again. This time, the recipient of my in-flight enthusiasm was Food Network star, Giada DeLaurentiis. After a few mouth-watering episodes, I was making plans to purchase her kitchen equipment, download her recipes and DVR her future appearances. By the time the plane landed, I knew I'd be ordering Papa John's pizza when I got home...